I'm still here (random info)

Playing~"Bad Habit"-Maxwell

• This season change is causing me to feel the relationship bug..sigh.
• I hate to admit that! arrgghh
• You feel it too...don't front
• Good luck with that
• You think we are in a financial recession? Try dating
• However, a** and/or d*ck is plentiful in my city.
  
• People are willing to give their bodies as oppose to their minds...go figure
• I ain't mad...those hormones will get you!
• Speaking of, I've been kicking hormones a** for 3 months!
• Let me stop frontin', it's been more like a heavy weight 12 round fight
• *sigh* me and those rules of mine
• When I do f*#&....I'm going stupid. I want to hear some f*#king screaming, moaning, cussing, etc.
  
• whew...see what happens
  
• Friends have been a great outlet
  
• However, all they do is encourage me to f*&#
• The good boy in me will not die!!
• d*mn him
• I decided to do something about my career. I was tired of hearing myself complain.
• I'm studying for the GMAT. Well, I don't know if I should call it that.... I'm slacking so hard. I test in less than a month. smh
  
• I brought a new car.
• His name is G.
• What have you been up to?
  

Yet another Dear John

Playing~"Drained"-Latoya Luckett (this song came on and it's fits the post...oh the irony)

I remember thinking, "did I speak this man into my life". You came correct no hhiisssing, no sending your friend, no crazy comment to catch my attention, no sexual innuedo and no game. You came with questions and I provided answers. You were so sure and confident. I was beyond impressed. I later found out it took you two weeks to build up the courage to approach me (lol). You were ready to jump in the water head first. I was only ready to swirl my feet around. Unfortunately, this particular issue caused me to break things off abrutly. Uncertain of my decision, our relationship became this ball of ambiguity. You were not delighted about this lack of clearity, but you dealt with it. After all, you just wanted to keep me around. Eventually, you started receiving benefits that made it worth it. My sex game went to another level! I don't know what I was doing before, but sex became an experience! However, a year later I was still guarded and provided no terms or commitments to our future. I just couldn't let my guards down. I also had some concerns, but I knew I couldn't change them. You were so ready to please; I couldn't get you to admit to my concerns. Sadly, one night your passion for me boiled over and things quickly went left. I realized that your desire for me could put both of us in danger. I haven't spoken to you since; we both knew that night was the last night of us.

I'm certain someone can identify

I love this chick of Def Poetry Jam

hhhmmm..Maxwell

This video was enough to make me post something. I was already feeling something stirring in my spirit...lol.



The man is sick!

What about your friends?

While I'm sitting in the window listening to the US Marshalls question my friend I'm truly amazed at what people can do when you let them into your world. I knew something was up with this dude after the second time we hung out. However, he was my friend's really good friend, so I decided to override my hesitation. I decided to just keep my guards up. Everything is cool. Everywhere we go people know him (he had a pretty good porn career(?)). He's crazy, keeps you laughing and is free hearted. Time goes on and my friend makes a comment about the guy and I let all of my opinions flow. Long story short this negro is a stunt queen! He has warrants everywhere. To varying degree all of us have been affected by his craziness. You have to be so careful about who you allow in your world. Thankfully I kept him at a distance, so I didn't get effect directly. If so, I would have tore that @** out of the frame (we almost came to blows at Sizzle). The good thing about me and my crew we always get the last laugh. Pose for the camera *click* *click* .

What Happen?

Playing~"my everything"-Monica

It's funny how things change in relationships/friendships. We could talk for hours, but now, we can barely make it 20 mins. Heck, I may not even get a response to a text. He would beg to come over. Even rearrange his whole schedule to be in my presence. I can't clear out enough time for him to see me now. At first, I was indifferent about his affection. Then, I start enjoying the game of it all (~a month into it). About a month later things went left. We talked and things kinda ended. Of course, everyone ask about him. I try to give a solid response, but really I don't know. Honestly, I'm asking myself what happen?

*this is a repost from earlier this year*

This is not a good time for celebs

Between death and nude pictures celebrities are really taking a beating. Well, you can add Terrell Carter to this list. One of the kids decided to expose him and entitled it "revenge". Picture located below:

It starts now

I keep putting decisions off. Out of fear of the unknown or the hope for something better. I Try to plan for all of life's contingencies. Thus, I miss out on a lot of opportunities. I don't know how long it's going to take for me to realize the life I'm planning for is already in progress. It will not start when I get a new job, move, or meet someone

* I deleted the Dorion post. I wouldn't want someone to post my photos. Plus, a mutual friend said he's really upset about.

Quasi Relationships

Playing~"houtatlantavegas"-JoJo ft. Drake (This chick can really sing)

I'm a constant observer and I'm noticing a lot quasi relationship exist in our community. Nobody is really dating anyone. We "talk" to this one. We went on a date with that one. We chat with this one on Facebook. We "mess" with this one. We really like the other dude. If the truth be told, he is not that into us, but we're cute so he keeps us around. Unfortunately, we're doing the same thing to someone else. All this is going on and we are talking about wanting a commitment filled relationship. Do we really want commitment? Do we really understand what a committed relationship requires/looks like?

I like the ideal and the look of a committed relationship. The reality of it is kinda scary. I don't know if I'm emotionally handicap, still finding my way with dating, or scared (probably a mixture of all three). I find it difficult to get into anyone. Thus, I exert very little energy when dealing with anyone. Consequently, they probably feel the same way and the cycle just continues.

Weekend recap

Playing~"She ain't my girl"-Trey Songz ft. Sammie

This weekend I was on a mission to party my @** off and I did.

Friday night was uneventful. I couldn't get people together to go out, so we ended going out to eat.

Saturday:

• Everything was a mess at work on Saturday. I almost went in, but I decided to let my assistant handle it. She was schedule to be there. I'm certain she is going to kill me on sight when I walk in the door today.
  
• Ended up meeting up with friends to shop around for their club outfit. I end up picking up something myself.
• Had lunch with some dudes we met at Sizzle (sidenote: Be cautious of dudes who wear hats all the time. They can look totally different without a hat). They were going to party with us later that night
• We decided to make some punch . OMG....that punch was so good it made the liquor smooth. I had 4 glasses and a water bottle of it on the way to the club. Needless, to say I was crunk than a mfer.
• I danced my a** off. It was ridiculous I almost pulled a table on top of me at one point (lmao). We chilled a little bit after the club

Sunday:

• We went to church. Well, those of us who could get up. The service was decent, but I couldn't get into it too much. I partied too hard the night before.
  
• Decided to meet up at Red Lobster and kick it for a minute.
• Later on after taking a much need nap we made our way to a pool party. We forget about it until a friend called around to see what was going w/ one of his friends.
• There is a new place on Sunday. Club Eros isn't too bad. If you want to party it's not the place, but it gives you that laid back club feel. It's more of a lounge. Plus, cheap cover ($8) and drinks ($5)
  

The little boy in me

An associate of mine ask this question and I found it to be intriguing. Is the little boy I use to be proud of the man I have become? What is your answer

You're the sh*t!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.-Psalms 134v14

This scripture came to mind on my way back from Miami (after all of the debauchery I'm thinking about scriptures..lol. I crack myself up). Our friend gets to Miami and is insecure about everything. We kept reaffirming him during the whole trip. Mind you, this friend typically meets someone everywhere we go. Surprisingly and silent I reaffirmed myself after Friday night. We both were blown after the club. We didn't mack anyone out and no one macked us. We both were like wtf?! All these dude here and I didn't meet anyone. We dropped one of our friends off and went back to park lot pimp. We experienced some interaction there and I ran into a blogger (he has certain style about him that I like).

Fast foward to Sunday night. My friend is macking and getting all night. I'm quite impressed! His self-esteem was through the roof. I was delighted that my friend was on such a high. However, I thought to myself this can't be good. Your esteem being based on people is dangerous. Heck, people will have you like an elevator. Taking you up when they want and bringing you down when they want. Then, that scripture came to mind. Why do we allow people to to increase and decrease our value? If God, himself, tells us that we are the SH*t and everything is where it'suppose to be! Who cares what anyone else thinks

Recap

Playing"Fix my hat"-Lil Wayne

I have some many things that have transpired that could have been a post, but I'll do a random post. All of things aren't related to me directly

• What should you expect after a sexcapade with someone you haven't known very long or establish a real relationship with? If you didn't hear from him again would you feel a certain way?
• Could you date a stripper? If you dated him, could you trust him?
  
• Bottoming for the first time...how was your experience? Did you do it for a special occasion or were you just that turn on by the guy.
  
• Is Dating someone your friend "talk to" for a short period a violation of you guys friendship?
• Is anyone heading out of town for memorial day weekend? Are you working out to make sure your body is in tip top shape? I've given a half butt effort without much progress. If your going to Miami, I'll see you there.
  
• What if you found out one of your closet friends was gay? You tried to confide in them years ago they acted like they couldn't relate. Little did you know they were years ahead of you in the game. Would you call them out?
• Would you feel bad for putting your ace out of your house? You have went beyond your call of duty as a friend more than once when it comes to housing him. Would you think twice about switching your locks after your agree upon exit date?
• Would you look at an associate differently if you found out they did porn
  

Love

Why can't we get some of that sh*t songs are made out of? Anita Baker is making me day dream about how beautiful love can be. This chicks voice is so smooth...sigh

I would not mind having a "good morning"

A lot of things have been going on. A lot to blog about, but I haven't been focused. I do want to drop this eye candy on ya. Can someone tell me when he trimmed down and became even sexier? For my photos http://www.popsugar.com/3097922?page=0,0,4

Playing~"good morning"-John Legend

Church boy

These confused church boys are a mess! I promise to never entertain them again. Gotta run for work, but I had to type this...sigh.

Friends before....

Playing~"6, 8, 12"-Brian McKnight

I have a situation. My closet buddy has been staying with me for about a week. A tree knocked down his power line. I have someone who is trying to "chill" with me tomorrow (spend the night). He is going to lose it when he realize my homie is staying too. He is not going to stay the night and I WANT him to. What does a brother do? Mind you, something like this just happen involving the same friend.

where am i to go?

Playing~"I tried"-J. Holiday

Am at a very weird place in my life. I've grown too much for where I am and I have no ideal where I'm going. For an ambitious person I am lacking direction...BIG TIME! I don't know what to do with myself career wise. I've been at my current employer for 3 years. Amidst all of the BS, I've obtain a few promotions and gain a great reputation throughout the organization. There is a problem, I've always viewed this job as a stepping stone and my ticket to Atlanta. If I was going to stay with the organization, I definitely would go to the corporate office. Well, no more corporate office ( the Atlanta office closed). I've been identified as a flight risk, so they are trying to push me to the next level. When they asked questions about what I want to do, I never have a solidified answer.

I'm so over this job. I'm becoming short of despondent. The only thing that keeps me going now is my reputation. I've thought of going back to school, which is typical for a college graduate who finds themselves unhappy with the job market. However, that would cause me to downsize my life. Basically, I'll have to get a roommate (sigh). I haven't obtained any major debt (i.e. new car, etc).

I realize I haven't found my passion. I don't find myself too enthused about anything in particular. I'm concerned! I'm great at event planning. While in college I put on events that people are still trying to duplicate (4 years later). I lead well. Thus, my success at my current job (manager). I just need to find something that's meaningful for me and pays well. I'm certain half of America could echo that line.

Okay, enough self-loathing

Ready for Love?

Playing~"knock you down"-Keri Hilson

I want an honest answer. Hypothetically, let's say there is a such thing as a soul mate. If you met him/her today with all of your current issues and circumstances, would you be ready to commit? Could you treat them the way they're suppose to be treated? Could you allow them to treat you the way you're suppose to be treated?

We all have our vices in relationships. Would your trust issue hinder the relationship? Would pass hurts make it difficult for them to connect with you on an intimate level? Would your sex drive ruin things? Are your spending habits, so out of control they could not see building a financial future with you? Would your mood swings confuse him/her?

Honestly, are you ready for love?

uckery of the day

"Goonette" Trailer


I'm certain he's serious and that's what makes it even the more entertaining.

You changed me

Playing-"Nobody but Jesus"~Kelly Price/ Vanessa Bell Armstrong

Relationships have a way of changing us. Sometimes a simple interaction with a random stranger can influence our life. Romantic relationship facilitate a lot of changes in our lives.

Have you guys dated someone who brought about a change in you? Those changes can come in any form (sexually, mentally, etc) and varying degrees. Was the change a good thing or a bad thing? How does the change effect how you deal with men/women now? How did you react when he/she resurfaced in your life?

In the past two months, I've party more than I ever have(complete sidenote). I was out last night. After the club I received a text from a dude I talked to for a moment (~3 months). The text reveals that he was at the club and Watching me was very interesting. "Your swag has changed". I informed him he was the catalyst of this different swag(I haven't made any major changes. My approach to things are a little different). We continue to text and I awake to a good morning text from him. We have continued to text through out the day (I'm not putting much thought into our interaction). He's just having a moment.

A funny

I've never watched College Hill. I heard about the new season and the cast. One cast member in particular (Kyle). Apparently, he went off on one of the cast members really bad. I wasn't surprised. I'm from Florida. We have a tendency to set it off. I had no idea this boy laid her a** out like this though. You have to catch the neck snap/roll.

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

I needed this laugh so much.

Tell the truth

Playing~"knocks you down"-Keri Hilson ft. Kanye

Why are we so afraid of the truth? Truth is just a fact in our or others life. What is it about the truth that makes us lie?

***sidenote******
I'll be back with a real post. My life has been in such a quasi state; I've been trying to gain understanding. A lot of decisions are before me and I need to make some critical decisions. Those decisions were implied during my last post.

No cross, No crown

We all have a cross (metaphorically speaking) to bear. An old hymn came to mind as I was thinking about my life and others. We all have to struggle. Without a battle there is no victory! I can't wait until I see the victory in some areas.

So many things to say now

Playing~"knock you down"-Keri ft. ne-yo & Kanye W.

Work:
This year is has been quite the experience. My company like many others experienced huge lay offs. I wasn't laid off. I fought to keep some of my employees who were displaced. Within in weeks, my boss's boss announces he has been promoted. BIG ISSUE for me! He has guided my career up until this point. Everyone at the job has a love\hate relationship with me because of him. Even though, my results out perform 80% of my peers I'm already catching hell. Now, I'm left with Senior Managers who I don't respect. One who thinks he still a bully in high school. I'm on his committee and I reject his approach (imagine the dynamics). Another who is constantly trying to prove me wrong (80% of the time she has to apologize, because she is wrong). She is my immediate boss! The other two seniors don't have an opinion about anything! Everyone already knows I don't enjoy this job as it is....now this! I had plans on leaving in August, but I need to move that date up!

Social:
My social life has picked up BIG TIME! I reconnected with a college friend and we "came out" to each other, which is the cause of my increased social life. I've been eating out and partying with them for about three weeks. I forgot how much work it is to gain friendship...whew.

Location:
I'm so over my job that I'm willing to move to get out of it. I have a potential job offer in another state. Last year I declined it, because I was just starting to get on the scene in Atlanta. I just had to see what it was all about. The job pays more and I will not have to pay state taxes (that's another increase). I'm just torn, because I'm finally getting a good consistent circle of friends. However, my job doesn't prepare me for what I foresee myself doing in the future. I definitely will choose my career.

Other crap is going on as well, but those are the ones that have my mind going.

Random things
Did Keri Hilson jump out of the box or what
Andre 3000 reveals he is a very attentive lover to Playboy

Okay, enough rambling I should have been getting ready for work 13 mins. ago.

What Happen?

Playing~"my everything"-Monica

It's funny how things change in relationships/friendships. We could talk for hours, but now, we can barely make it 20 mins. Heck, I may not even get a response to a text. He would beg to come over. Even rearrange his whole schedule to be in my presence. I can't clear out enough time for him to see me now. At first, I was indifferent about his affection. Then, I start enjoying the game of it all (~a month into it). About a month later things went left. We talked and things kinda ended. Of course, everyone ask about him. I try to give a solid response, but really I don't know. Honestly, I'm asking myself what happen?

I really like you, but the sex is bad

I was visiting a friend and we talked about this person they liked. They enjoyed the person quite a bit, but the guy is bad in bed. " I've tried to teach him, but he's just bad. He's just not fluid with sex. He doesn't know how to move and flow with you". The guy was knocked down a few knotches, because he was bad in bed. It made me think, how important is sex to a relationship? Could sex make or break a relationship? If everything else is in place, could you end a relationship because of bad sex? What would you do in this situation? Also, how important is sex to you in a relationship? The story just made me think

Dating

Playing~"Emergency room"-Rhianna ft. Mario (oh the irony)

I was hanging out with a group of friends. We talked about some of everything and someone brought up dating (of course). We realized all of us were single. All of us are progressive and fairly attractive men. Everyone claim that it's hard to met a quality guy these days. I thought to myself. I'm sure there a bunch of progressive and fairly attractive men sitting around somewhere saying the same thing. The problem is we can never get these people to meet. Where in the heck are they hiding?

Friends and "friend"

Playing -"midnite"-j. Sullivan
(In the barber shop)

You've met someone and you guys are in the getting to know stage. Of course, this is a touchy stage. You want to spend time with the person and you want to keep your regular routine. Finding that balance is tricky, would you agree? I completely made a mess a month or so ago. I was trying to reassure my best friend that I'm not going to abandon him. In my doing this, things became unbalanced. The dude was confused about where we were going. After about a month things began to get shacky. Has anyone experienced this? How did you handle the balancing act? I definitely see critical moments that damaged a potentially good relationship. I definitely don't think he was the "one" (if that exist). Anyway, give me your feedback

two hearts

What do you do when you have two hearts in your hands? Two people who care about you deeply and both want you exclusively. What do you do? You want both of them, because each person fulfills a certain need. To varying degrees they know about each other. Do you selfishly keep both or do you make a decision to choose one and let the other one go?

Ted and Oprah

I'm certain people saw Ted and Oprah today. I want your thoughts.

Life is such a journey and I don't want to take anything from it. On this path I run into painful places. Other times I walk into joy unspeakable. I have to be extremely careful not to consider either place a destination, but places I pass through on this journey. If not, I'll always be out of balance. I have to embrace each lesson both places were meant to teach me. I am on this journey and I will not take anything from it.

*this probably makes sense to no one outside of myself...lol* I just feel some kinda way and I had to take 4 minutes to express myself.

random

Playing~"turn off"- Keri

• What did you guys think of Seven Pounds? I wasn't overwhelmed with emotions, which made people think I was cold. Man, he was clearing his conscious.
  
• Why do people pursue you hard and just when you feel like giving them some play they flip the script on you. WTF is that about
• 500,000 people lost their job in December. Can you believe that?
• Am I the only one surprise that Brandy only sold 78k her first week. Sigh
• I have this yearning for more and I can't really explain it
• Things that use to get me going don't really move me now
  
• Have someone ever told you that you were too good for them (does it not say a lot about how they view themselves)
• Believe what people give you upfront. If you don't, you'll regret it.
• I went through the last 3 guys I've encountered over the past 2.5 years and gain a lesson from each.
• Well, I'm not sure what the third was meant to teach. I must not have learned the lesson.
• What do you do when the person you are getting to know has a friend who is hotter and they keep giving you the vibe they want to get to know you? RUN...lol.
• I feel the need to get messed up. Work has been kicking my a**
  

Find a way to turn me on

Follow up post to this song

Sidenote: Is this not the Jazmine we all were looking for on her album? I was a little disappointed with the album.

Are you listening?

God speaks to us in unorthodox ways from time to time. A few days ago I was at home trying to watch some of my favorite shows on abc.com. Every time I tried to load the video my computer would freeze. My virus alert would come up letting me know it was blocking the streaming. I kept restarting Explorer and it continue to happen. Then, I decided I need to stop acting like an insane person and try something different. I go to my anti-virus set up and realize my program was set so strict it was blocking the very thing I was trying to enjoy. I disabled that part of the anti-virus program. Then, I went back to explorer and I was able to enjoy watching the show without incident.
The message was simple. At times, we are too guard. So much so, it hinders us from achieving the pleasure we are seeking. Every now and then we have to take down some of those guards, so we whatever joy life could be presenting us. I don't know if this will speak to anyone, but that experience spoke to me. Everyone thinks I'm too self controlled/guarded. God has a funny way of teaching us lesson. He's always speaking/teaching it's up to us to hear/learn. I hope the new year is treating everyone well.

2008 Review

Listening~"Human"-Brandy

2008 has been a year of exploration.

• I went to my first gay club
• Gain some associates
• Lost some
• Sexually (w/ guys) I've went to third base three times (2008 made me a slut!)
• Received my first speeding ticket
• I'm Learning that good things don't necessarily come to you because you do good.
• I'm learning how to become more aggressive professionally (sometimes you have to manage your manager)
  
• I'm realizing I'm an analytical person, which hinders me from enjoying the moment(s).
• I've discovered so much about myself It's crazy. Holistically, I've grown the most in 2008.

Share your 2008 with me