Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What about your friends

Playing~"Breakdown" Mariah

I don't know what is going on with me and my friends. I have many associates, several friends, and friends we are in my inner circle. My inner circle consists of 3 people. These three people are my no hold bar friends. We can talk about any and everything freely. We don't worry about it being repeated. We don't even say those words. We just know what's up. Well, two of them are in limbo. I've been having this weird feeling that I would grow apart from both of them.

Let's start with the one who joined the fold last. Very strong personality, strategic, feared by some, I respect him highly, and truly enjoy his candid conversation. We have been friends for about 3 years. The negative to this friendship is personality conflict. It's rare, but when it happens. We have only had two real incidents, but several potential nasty incidents. It's potential for us to have a third. Everyone knows I don't play around about my friends, sex, my space, and my beliefs. We'll this friend sent me a picture they sent another associate of ours. The picture was of their penis. I was highly offended. First, what makes you think you can send me this? Second, what the f*ck! Third, you are beyond tacky. I have not communicated to them since receiving that text. Well, I sent a text that said "let's pretend you didn't do that". I have had several calls from him since then, but I don't want to discuss you sending me that mess. He sent me a text saying I wasn't trying to get me. I don't know how much I trust that, because this individual is very strategic, so to just send this it's weird. I noticed a few suggestive things when we hung out last, but overlooked it, because he is so just in your face about everything.

Well, to give justice to his text he was following up a conversation we had. He was telling me that he sent this text to someone else and how it was tacky to do so. I thought it was tacky and brushed it off, but when I thought about it more. I was like, no you were really tacky. That is someone who is under your direction indirectly. I don't care how much they requested and begged to see. It's just a level of distinction you have to about yourself. Inspite of that, what made my friend think they could send me this. I have gotten on him about other ppl doing things like this and I'm like that is not cute at all. Well, there are some exceptions to that, but this is not one of them.

Okay, this was later to talk about the other friends. Blogger has been acting a damn fool.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I need (free flowing thoughts in my head)


As independent as I am, I need some company. Someone who gets the joke without me having to explain. I Hate to admit, but I need someone who needs me. I need to hear a voice that gets excited when they hear my voice. I need someone who makes me happy. Someone who can keep me from feeling lonely even when I am alone. What I truly need is to be hopeful and stop worrying about what could go wrong. Open myself up and expect something new. My desire to be in control is going to be the death of me. The truth is I just want to be happy, but I'm just too concern with all the possibilities of everything going wrong.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Okay, lets be truthful

Playing~"Raw" Monica

Today, I'm going to be a little raw on this post. I think boys are cute. I like their attention. I like the swagger we (men) have. However, I can't get with having sex with one. Thus, my confusion...what is going on with me? It became quite obvious to me that I like the boys this pass week. Last week a few men flirted with me heavy, but discretely. At first, I dismissed it. "Maybe I reading too deeply into all this attention and body gestures." Then, one of my friends were like what are u going to do? This person is coming after you. My response was "I was thinking that, but I just dismissed." Well, through out the week any misreading was cleared up and I must say, I quietly enjoyed. I never acknowledged it head on, but I did give them a smirk and a look that said "you better be careful". Two of them were not shy, but not bold either. This issue has laid doormat for awhile, but the pass week was an awaking. Is anyone experiencing this now or has experienced this?