Monday, July 30, 2007

The best weekend ever?

Playing~”I should be your man”-Rahbi

Okay, everything was not shot to hell this weekend. Actually, it was a pretty good weekend. In my attempt to make this weekend the best weekend ever I attended several events. Let’s start with Thursday. I went to what I thought was a soul event. I walked in and turned right back around. It was a complete bust and I didn’t wait for the acts I would enjoy.

Friday night was fair. I went to an event with poets, singers, and other (I can’t think of a category to put some of the artist). I drove pass the place like 2 times getting lost both times, because I was shocked by the location. I thought it would have been at some night club/bar, but I was completely misinformed. It was in someone’s apartment that was set up like an intimate club. I came to see Georgia Me speak, but it was taken way too long for her to come up and I was hungry ( we went and got us some Glady’s and Ron’s).

Saturday was the best! First, I went to the event in Stone Mountain and I was in for a treat. When I arrived Sunshine Anderson was performing and I thought to myself "this might be about something". Then, I hear the announcement that Rahsaan Patterson is the next act. My best friend and current roommate look at each in shock. Rahsaan!!!! He loses his mind and I’m playing it cool. He is literally kicking and screaming in a towel. At that moment, I realize I don’t have my bleeping camera! He performed 4 songs (where you are, so fine, spend the night, and something else). He was suppose to do more, but I think he could fight the heat. Then, I was in for another shocker Donald Lawrence and his singers performed. I was done for the day. However, I was determined to keep the weekend flowing. I decided to go to a Harmony in Life event. I really enjoyed myself there. My rommie was done. His energy was shot after being outside all day and he was busy chit chatting with this bi-curious boy which is driving me up the wall. He would regret it when I told him Rahsaan showed up at the club. I thought he was going to jump in a cab or something. I would have at least took a picture for him, but I left my freakin' camera again. *beyond pissed at this point* The performers were great (PJ Morton, Rahbi, Shamora, Eric Roberson, etc)! thebrotherlove has the list in its entirety. Anyone who knows me knows I love live music, so I was really in a state of euphoria after the day of events. Outside of the fact I wasn’t hollered at once the whole weekend. Granted, Saturday I wasn’t completely dressed to impressed, but I was still together. My feet hurt from those freakin’ shoes for a few hours after the event (my rommie mad me wear them).

Sunday, I went and gave thanks at church and relaxed all day. Today, I haven’t done a thing. I feel like such a loser. I need to do something. I didn’t find a date, but I did enjoy myself. My best friend and I both are confused. We thought we would run into someone by now. How can you not meet a guy in Atlanta? Then, again, we haven’t ran into a lot guys in one particular place, which is also confusing us. I thought there were a lot of gays here. sighs

To give you a taste of what I experienced

Eric Roberson


PJ Morton

Rahsaan Patterson

Sunday, July 29, 2007

What's going on?!

My mission for this weekend failed. I didn’t meet anyone on the romantic tip. There is definitely something wrong with this city. THERE IS A MAJOR PROBLEM! I can’t get a date. This is unbelievable. To put it plain and simple I’m a bad a** motherfucker. I have my own shit. I’m not interested in hold or borrowing any of yours. I do not need some one to come and complete me or rescue me for that matter. I’m quite assured all by myself. However, you should compliment me. Challenge me for Christ sake! I’m not interested in being your lady. I want to be your man. I can carry a conversation and most likely have something intelligent to say. I’m sensitive to your feeling and insightful enough to make sure your feelings don’t become stumble blocks to fulfilling your vision. I’ve held out to ensure that nobody can lay claim to this body, but I’m sure after things go down you’ll feel like a champ. I can roll a blunt with the best; however, I don’t smoke. I’ll support when you’re right and I’ll correct you when you’re wrong no matter how passionate you are about a subject, because I care too much to allow you raise hell in error. I can hold my own in the street, classroom, and at work. At 3:36 am in the morning, I’m sitting here trying to figure out why in the hell am I single? I encompass all of this and I’m cute. I’m sure someone is reading this and saying that they can do all of this things, but I know everything I wrote on this page is true. I’m every real nigga’s dream ( I know I shouldn’t use that word, but I’m ranting) and I’m still single. Usually I don't trip on this single thing, but I'm starting to realize I'm getting older and I have yet to have a serious relationship. It concers me

Friday, July 27, 2007

This weekend

I'm trying to make this the best weekend ever. I'm not starting off to a good start...booo. I have my haircut, so you know I think I'm hot, right? I'm telling you, a cut does wonders. I'm going to do a little shopping (bump the budget this weekend is for me). The ultimate goal this weekend is to meet someone. My friend is going to hold me accountable. I tried last night, but ended up at the right place, but at the wrong time. Anyway, any happenings going on this weekend let me know

Monday, July 23, 2007

Okay, I need to clear somethings up. There are a few things that have been misconstrued. One, the domestic relationship I was talking about in a previous post was regarding one of my best friend who moved in with me. I'm not shacking with anyone. I'm yet single, which I need to change this week. I need a date for an upcoming event. Two, Plan B is not a victim or anything. I think people (well, one person in particular) completely missed my points. Plan B wasn't my Plan B. Heck, if anything I was his Plan B. He is the one who hit me with the surprise of a boyfriend like a month and half after we met. Oh I'm sorry, it wasn't his boyfriend, it was his "friend" who he says he was exclusive with, but was constantly trying to figure out ways to get with me. Please explain that one to me. I want something for my birthday, because I got him something.

Two strange things have happen today. One, I got a text from his "friend" asking why I'm being a stranger. Two, the person who was down right adamant about us meeting called today and tried to discuss us, but was interrupted. He let me know he is calling back to discuss it.

I had to let my best friend know today that I do plan on putting him out when the schedule time arises whether he is ready or not (in the nicest way of course). I love him, but he definitely has to get more aggressive and ambitious about his future. Anyway, I'll be back. I just wanted to clear the air.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The truth is

"Beautiful Ones"-Prince
I miss Plan B (just a little). I kinda got use to the calls, lunch dates, the miscellaneous flirting, etc. I guess I shouldn't say miss. It may not be the most fitting word, but he has definitely ran across my mind this week. I didn't realize we had not spoken to each other in a month. I don't think the situation was the best one, but we definitely shared some good times. My friend tells me to let the power struggle go and pick up the phone. I refuse!!!! He doesn't want to talk to me, because I didn't want to talk to him for a period and time. I think the separation is for the best, but I wish it would had happen after we work on some stuff for me and my birthday passed. What makes matter worse is I haven't found a replacement. That's the real problem!!!!! I need to acknowledge brothers and give the permission to approach me. I need to be open.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I don't want nothing this good

I don't want anything this good!!!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Who made these rules?

Being gay can be a little too complicated. There are too many rules for the gays. My Lord! You need to be like this and not be like that. Tops don’t dance like that. Bottoms don’t approach men or they shouldn’t. Who made all of these rules? I mean it’s deeply entrenched in the culture. Secondly, what’s up with the sex rules? We all were on the phone one night and we were discussing tops/bottom, etc. One person busted out with versatile men are confused. WHAT?! Was my response along with the other friend. “That is confusion and I’m not confused.” I completely disagree. I think it depends on how the person makes you feel. I'm just a stronger believer in using your penis. It deserves to be treated. Granted, I haven’t had sex with a man, so I’m just speaking from the top of my head. What do you guys think about all of these rules?

Can you love two people at the same time?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I guess I'm married (updated)

"Love is stronger than pride"~Sade (well, I'm listening to Rahsaan cover now)

Things have become very domestic around my house these days. I don't know how I feel about it. In some cases, it works, but other times I'm like what is going on here. Of course, I'm not use to sharing, because I'm an only child. I don't mind sharing, but it's weird working around someone else. Conversation has went from I/me to US. What is going on? Plus, he is a major cock blocker. These were his words yesterday "Why was he smiling all in your face? He should know I was going to shut him down." I didn't even recognize it, because I usually ignore people when I'm out somewhere. I just thought he was nervous and friendly, so I chopped it up to that. Per his words, I know when someone is flirting and he was doing a little too much. I have a feeling a great deal of this blog is going to become about my new roommate.

We are so different and I'm realizing we are the closet when I'm feeling boys. It's our common denominator, which is a little unnerving. He is a lady (for the lack of a better term) and I don't know how I feel about that. Again, he is not a flamer, but he is definitely a different kinda man. I.E. He likes to sing soprano and talk in the pitch of a soprano. It seems weird to me. I appreciate range on any singer, but most men don't consistently sing soprano. Granted, I'm nobodies mechanic type of guy, but we are definitely different when it comes to mannerism. I don't know how us staying together for this time period is going to effect our friendship. I'm a moderate person and he's not. I'm not emotional attached to people in my past I don't believe in putting on with people who don't matter. He is and he does....I just don't know. How can two walk together unless they agree? Plus, I gave him a revelation. He asked me a question when Will and Grace was on and I answered honestly not thinking twice. "Do I shame you?" My response was "sometimes" and I kept reading my book. He was shocked and hurt. I was like that was said without any malice intent. However, you put on so much sometimes that I'm like this is coming off put on and everyone knows I don't like ppl who try. Just be, whatever that may entitle. Anyway, I love my friend and we will see how this all turns out. I definitely think it's going to get ugly at least once. He is self-centered, but very assisting with anything you need. Both characteristic can really get under my skin

Monday, July 09, 2007

Blog family how are you? I’m trying to catch up on everyone’s life. I’m in such a good place. I had the experience of a lifetime the pass few days. I enjoyed my company and the entertainment. I’m still on a high. Now, I’m back home and chillin’ at my house listening to Chriseete. However, I came back with a guest. Yep, my friend is here. Matter fact, he is trying to hit all the notes Chriseete sings now. Everything is going well so far, but it hasn’t been a full day yet. The only thing that gets me is that he just brings so much attention to us. He is not a flamer, but he is something. I can’t explain it. I knew that before, so I don’t care. I just don’t like the extra attention. It’s weird having to think about someone else when you are in the privacy of your own home.

Anyway, words can not emote how at peace and contented I am now. I absolutely refuse to answer any calls from my job. There might be one important call out of the four I received today. I know I’m going to walk into a lot of drama tomorrow, but I really don’t care. Y’all I’m so content. I have the oneness we all want. I know I can’t live in this state, but I’m definitely going to relish in this feeling. I’m feel so f**king grown man.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Questions and Concerns (feedback please)

Do you guys think it’s only one person for you? If you aren’t with this person, no one else will fit perfectly.

How much does your personal belief (your faith) influence your everyday life? Do you treat people and deal with situation differently because of what you believe?

When is it too soon to have sex with someone? Does knowing them count or do you have to date them for a certain amount of time?

If someone made you mad and you were in “f*#& them mode, so if they called you ignored them. How should restart your friendship without wanting to discuss the incident that pissed you off.

My friend wants to come to Atlanta and go to an upscale gay club. He doesn’t want any knucking and bucking. Do those types of clubs exist? I think there are just some hood places to go. I don’t know how I feel about going to a club

Do we need drama to make relationships work?

Why do we expect the worst from life? We make statements like “things are going to good or I knew it was too good to be true”.

Do you ever wonder about the things you pray for? For example, “God I want a promotion”. In order for me to get the promotion does someone have to be demoted, fired or find a new job so that I can get the promotion I’m praying for.

The desire of feeling good enough can be the worst, can it not? Trying to receive that validation is so important to us

Pride goes before destruction is one of the truest statements I’ve heard in awhile. Pride is such a subtle deceit.

Doesn’t love go beyond how someone makes you feel? It’s so much deeper than that. Feeling change people

Is it not strange that love is the only thing God requires perfection in? That speaks volume does it not?

I have to get to the root of this anger. There is more going on than people doing simply things to piss me off. Something is lying dormant in me and it’s the driving force behind my current anger.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Watch what you say to me

I'm known as a peace maker. Someone who rarely responds to anything foolish or important for that matter. However, this week I have not been that guy. I've been very direct and extremely blunt with my honesty (w/o losing tact of course). For the pass several years I have taken pride in how well I've contained my temper. I no longer allowed people to make me fly off the handle and get physical at the drop of a dime. Now I feel like I'm regressing. The other day I felt a surge of energy come through my whole body, which basically means I'm going to kick your a** and I could not believe I let someone take me that far. I was at work, so that kept it from being a TKO. Plus, the person saw the complete change in my demeanor and backed down. I was straight up in "I'm getting ready to kick your mfing a** and make you eat every word you just said".

I always tell people you control yourself and the situation, but this time I let the situation control me. I was so mad. It messed with me the whole night. I was thinking about all the things I wanted to say and couldn't say and how I was tried. I woke up the next morning and my stomach had a terrible knot in it. I knew this came from the anger. At that point, I knew I had completely lost my progress in the anger department.