I have been kinda blah, introspective, and disappointed. During this time, I have discovered we all have one need, the need to feel good enough. We want to be the child that makes our mothers proud. The one she can brag on at work. We want to be the best employee at our jobs, so our education and experience can be affirmed by the company we work for. We also want to feel good enough to be loved (in the romantic sense). To have someone to think about us in the middle of the day. Trusted, cared for, etc.
The love department is where the challenge lies. We go the extra mile to prove that we are good enough. However, I have learned the hard way, being good enough to be loved is unmerited. You really can't earn it. For the most part, parents are proud of their children when they achieve. Jobs usually promote if you consistently perform well, but with the matters of the heart. Your sacrifices, hardwork, and dedication could mean nothing to someone else. There is no graduation to attend. The is no scale for you to be evaluated on. Nothing! When all of your work goes unnoticed or dismissed and the love you thought was exclusively yours is being shared with some other unknown person. You are left to wonder why. Why am I not good enough? What could I have done differently? Are they that better looking then me? Is the sex better? What do they have over me?
*this post doesn't reflect my current state...I'm good. I wrote this back in 2006. It was like my second or third post on this blog. I still want your feedback on my previous post*
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4 comments:
I'm glad you don't feel this way anymore, but these are all valid questions. I think the problem is a lot of times we seek love in the wrong places. We give our all to someone who is only willing to give us a part of them. Ultimately, if someones not putting in the effort that you are willing to put in then they probably aren't worth it anyway.
Good enough is often in the eyes of the beholder. You're right we'll probably never live up to the standards that others have for us so we have to learn to accept the person we are without depending on outside affirmation.
"We go the extra mile to prove that we are good enough."
Story of my life. I try to dismiss this whole concept, but somehow. Someway, it makes it way back into my thought processes.
Indeed this is a very common way of looking at love. Especially when someone does, like you said, and gives their love away to another. Reguardless of how confident you may [or may not] be these questions still enter into your mind.
With love and emotions being one of those things that lack a set definition to every single person you just have to use faith and open lines of communication-which isint always a factor because if someone wants to cheat or be dishonest they'll find a way. I just hope this disappointment dosent linger around for too long Mr. Life
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