The truth is I’m a little gloomy and mad. My love life has been less than lack luster. Hell, it’s non-existent, which makes me feel kinda sad. You begin to wonder, am I going to be alone? I haven't had a substantial relationship and I've been here almost a quarter of a century. Everyone needs to feel that type of security/validation from time to time. It’s more than someone giving you a passing compliment. Someone feeling you’re intriguing enough to invest time in you. Someone spending their time with you is more important than anything. Time is something you can never regain, so for someone to invest a priceless commodity in you is the greatest compliment. I’m mad, because I’m the shit and I’m not getting any play. Sounds cocky, but that’s how I feel.
Now, let me take ownership of the lack of activity in my love life (I hear my roomie shouting your single because you want to be). I don’t know if I’m ready. Am I seriously ready to have my first male-to-male relationship? In real time, I don’t give men permission to approach me in a sexual neutral place (i.e. the mall, grocery store). I do this half of the time subconsciously. Then, there is this struggle with religion and sexuality. No, I’m not one of those church bois (God hates me b/c I’m gay). I’m going to break up with you every other week. I like to challenge those types, but I can’t deny how that part of my life influences not only this portion of my life, but my life in general. I absolutely refuse to talk to any women now. I wouldn’t take a woman to any of this, so I’m just stuck in the middle of nothingness.
Frustrated
My girl, Jill says it best on “I wanna be loved”
Sidenote: I think I’ve lost another associate because of me not giving it up. I guess I should have known they rolled in the same circle. Now I have like two associates here and my roomie…this is some crap! Speaking of roomie...that's another post, but you guys know he was on a time line.
8 comments:
It takes time...more important, it can't happen until you're open to the idea of meeting and sharing with a man. No rush, but think about what Katherine Hepburn once said..."Never complain, never explain..."
You're going to do alright pa. :)
I think it gets to a point where being single can be frustrating, but at the same time you don't have to answer to anyone, and u can do what the hell you want to do, when you want to do it. I used to say the same thing all the time, especially since I had never been in a male/male relationship.
Now that I am, there are certainly times when you just want to be left alone, and have that freedom.
It's true when they say that you'll find someone when you least expect it to, but to find a real companion can be really tough and frustrating at times.
D's right. It'll happen when you least expect it. Plus, that kind of love you're talking about really does take time to grow. Have you ever been infactuated with a guy before?
I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAN RELATE TO YOUR MESSAGE...
Cool for being the shit! Why aren't you getting any play if you are the shit? can I say self evaluation? Then I read "I'm not ready", then thats your reason why you're not in a relationship! Stop moaning and groaning!
Here's what you do, pick a side and stay on that side, playing monkey in the middle ain't happening no mo!
When you stop looking and making an effort to be found, you will stumble into the arms of the perfect one. Watch and see...
You can't swim if you never get your butt in the water. If you go back and read some of your postings, you notice that you keep rejecting people and being unapproachable.
Maybe you should have sex with one of the folks chasing you. Sometimes we need a release.
You can't swim if you never get your butt in the water. If you go back and read some of your postings, you notice that you keep rejecting people and being unapproachable.
Maybe you should have sex with one of the folks chasing you. Contrary to what people believe, sex can lead to a relationship.
Post a Comment