Has the penis hindered any of your relationships? I went out with some friends the other day and I became like a television host. Throwing out questions to get a consensus amongst the group. One of my questions were, what do you find to be the most challenging aspect in a relationship? A few people said communication. People not being honest about their intentions and not knowing how to communication their feeling. Then, out of nowhere someone said sex. I thought that was interesting, so I decided to probe more. Plan B goes into this rant about him being a top and how he keeps running into guys who he likes, but they are versatile. Everyone begins to sound off about this topic. Myself and another guy thought being versatile was fine, but everyone else was adamantly against it. To sum it all up, they thought it was confusion. The conversation revealed a lot about people thought process. I thought having the topic bottom/top complex caused a lot of problems with relationships roles. Tops are dominant (men) and the bottoms are submissive (women)...foolishness. You are both men! I have a preference, but I also believe all d*cks are created equal and they have a right to be used. Granted, that statement my come across a little hypocritical because I never let anyone use theirs on me, but I do believe in compromise, so it all works out.
Plan B gets down right ignorant during some parts of the conversation. He is trying to model his homosexual relationship after a heterosexual relationship. I yell out PROBLEM! This is not a heterosexual relationship and it doesn't work for them either, so why use a defective model. Then, he goes and insults dudes he has been talking to. "I don't know why they would want to be on top of anybody anyway. Their d*cks ain't that big. All they are good for is getting f*cked." At this point, I was like is this mfer for real. I couldn't believe he would dog these guys like that and it revealed a lot about his character to me. I was so blown that I pulled back from the conversation all together. Just to note, if I wanted to f*ck, I could have per his words, but lately he has been on this alpha male sh*t. I can't even handle it. I'm definitely distancing myself for him in 2008. The hindrance in this a lot of my associate are my associates through him, but I'll find away to navigate through that. Anyway, give me you feedback on the relationship question and this whole top/bottom.
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12 comments:
Ahh, the great Top and Bottom debate. I agree with you, but there are tons of men out there that think like your friend. Some refer to them as the hetero-minded gay male.
Man, people kill me when they start talkin bull shyt about bein tops and bottoms, i mean when it comes down to it, folks ain't gonna be sayin, oh he's a top so he's not gay. Puhlease!!!! he still like a man with a dick, therefore GAY! And if folks are vers. I think that's great and where's the confusion, I call that compromise, sometimes we like this, other times we like that. But really to each is own, but a bottom shouldn't be labeled fem or anything if that's what makes them feel good, nor a top be labeled masculine, because I've met tops that were fem, and masculine bottoms. I swear the gay community needs to move on from the labels!
ROTF! You know what I love about conversations like the one you found yourself in...? They ALL are scripted the same. I'm vers all the way. I am not nor have I ever been 'confused' and for anyone to label me 'confused' is intellectually inept! One thing that I don't believe in is 'total tops'. Many disagree with me but I've seen many ol 'total top' fall in my dayz solely due to this lil concept we call 'love', perceived or otherwise. To 'love' someone is to give yourself wholeheatedly, without and stipulations. You can't say that you love someone 'but' imma Top so my ass is off limits FOREVER! Yea, ok then nice. Trust, if Plan B has already said that you could hit, there are at least 2 more people that he will come in contact w/in the next 5 years that WILL hit! Having said all that, I LOVE dudes yo. Their pattern of logic is mystifying! LoL
~Damnit!
I think exclusive tops are just selfish. In an attempt to imitate their favorite porn star, they almost always want to just pound a bottom into the mattress, but would never submit to that treatment themselves. They want to get but never give.
not to be the devil's advocate, but if a guy likes being strictly one or the other (based soley on his physical pleasure) then i don't see the problem.
now if someone says they won't be a particular role because of some perceived behavioral attitude, i think that's wack.
I don't agree that the hetero relationship model is defective. It is what it is. As a matter of fact, it's not unique to heteros at all. It's human nature. Our world is driven and guided by binary oppositions: hot and cold, black and white, gay and straight, yen and yang, etc. But even this is a bit deceptive because when hot and cold meet we have warm. There is always something in the middle. A balance is needed; our humanity is found in the middle.
The real problem is that a lot of black men don't want to be submissive because it somehow denigrates their masculinity. White men don't have these top/bottom issues. They are allowed to be soft, i.e. Justin Timberlake.
Ultimately, all of this, for me, boils down to two things: race and masculinity.
~jackson
YABG, Fuck you and the Devil!!! Just Kidding btw LoL. Naw I can dig what you're saying to a certain degree. Don't tell me "Imma total top. I don't get fuk'd" and when I ask why, you have the unmitigated temerity to say "Because it hurts!" after attempting to make my ass resemble the Grand Canyon! No thanks sir! That doesn't work for me. And when I came to that realization, I ceased dealing with 'Total Tops' unless they are willing to let me hit. Otherwise, thanks! LoL.
~Damnit!
Don't forget my dick! It has feelings too!
Versatility is GREAT!!!
I'm extremely aggressive, but am NOT a total top. Anything you can do, I can do...uh, better. LOL
That said, don't ask for shit you won't give and we'll be alright. When I was dating I would meet guys that would say, "I don't get fucked..." and I would reply, "Whew...I hear you...neither do I." That shut it down with a quickness.
I wonder what would happen to this topic if we took the act of penetration out of the conversation...
for love of the dark bananna mothership..
I think the biggest issue in all dating and relationships is communication. Lack of communication keeps people from talking about shit that should be discussed. People are afraid that saying how they feel about someone or something will run someone away. If his ass is scared to hear/tell the truth, then his ass needs to run away.
And all of this top/bottom/versatile bullshit is just old. Get a nut the best way you can and go to sleep.
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