Monday, September 17, 2007

Outside

"Irreversibly Falling in between and it's hard to be understood as you are, and God knows that you're standing on your own"

-Mariah Carey "outside"

I had never heard this song by Mariah Carey until a year ago, but someone was talking about how deep the song is. Of course, they played it, because they are in love with her. The song is talking about being neither here or there, not fitting anywhere in particular and accepting it.

I've been "the outsider" all my life. Even though for most of my life I was very popular, I always felt like someone who was looking in. I'm cool with being an outsider, but I have days when I ask why can't I just fit in a little better. Why do I have all these facets, it aggravates me from time to time. My friends think I'm mysterious for some reason. I tell them everything (just about) and sometimes I tell them too much, but they still feel like I’m this complex person. I'm not! The more honest I am the more people misunderstand. Everyone appreciates my blunt, yet, tactful approach. I think we have become so accustom to reading into what people are saying we read too deep. I believe in somethings and at times things conflict. Most times I’m going to choose the safe route. I'm usually never extreme one way or another, which often times leave me on the outside. For example, I am a man, but I'm not crazy over sports, video games, or women. I don’t think the conversation will go very smoothly when they are talking about a play and the cheerleaders and I’m asking what play that was and yeah, she’s cute, but so is number 10. On the other hand, I don't want to discuss your outfit and boys all day either.

Every now and then I just get away from everyone and really don't talk to anyone, because I'm in a zone. During those times I'm gathering myself, evaluating where I am, who I am, who is surrounding me, what they are bringing and taking. And I always come to the conclusion that most (90%) of these people do not fit me well. Most of them are extreme version of me in one area or another. I can't find someone in the middle with me. I'm not saying that their opinions and actions are lacking diversity; they’re just different from me in some way that is a major part of MY TRUTH. They are too much of this or not enough of that. However, a good percentage of these people have my best interest in mind, so I keep them around. We all know it’s really hard to find people who are in your corner. I'm finding a lot of people aren't comfortable with just being them or they are not sure who they are. If I shared that, I’m sure some of them would be offended. And the ones who know who they are have tendency to be too much, I do not know, maybe I'm the problem, but this is my bottom line (I've been rambling for too long). It's tough to be the one who is neither here or there. You never fit well! I say well because I think no one will fit perfectly with anyone you have to work at it. And if you think it's perfect, give it time. Well, I asked this question to the person who is in love with the song, "Do you think it's best to keep things to yourself?" Their response was yes, somethings you keep to yourself, because people may not be able to handle all of you. Are you the outsider? How do you cope? Any feedback is good.


3 comments:

Corey Keith said...

Are you a scorpio?

Unknown said...

I don't know if I would say I'm an outsider, but I'm frequently misunderstood... mainly because everyone thinks they really know me and that I'm the most extroverted person that they sometimes infringe on my space. In addition, they think they can tell me anything, including about myself without tact...Cocoa can take anything...well, some things quietly hurt my feelings and I tend to just cope with it and move on. Most important, folks tent to have an underlying fear of me...like I'm liable to cut their throat if they upset me...don't know where they get that...especially since I tend to listen openly to everything. All said, I know me and I try to surround myself and share myself with those that have really taken the time to "know" me. These other folks are living in a dilusional friendship with me...so fuck'em. LOL

Dayne Avery said...

The song is beautiful and so was your post. I remember listening to the song years ago and saying "wow, she gets it".

I am an outsider. I have a creative mind and I think a lot. Like you said, most people aren't comfortable being themselves and the people who are constantly get messages telling them they shouldn't be--instead, be someone else. I love being myself and reflecting whereas most people hate being alone.

I like being an outsider, the only time that it gets difficult is when trying to find others who relate to you. Sure its cool to have casual convo, but when you really want to talk about something of substance and get feedback for those on the outside this is tricky.

I liked your post because it shows that the image of "the outsider" isnt always the loser, the rebel, or the freak... The outsider can be a cool, cute, content person.