What you know about this

Y'all didn't think he could bring it like this

I'm a celebrity (I guess)

Playing~"The radio"

I think I've become some type of celebrity. Everyone is talking about me at work. Is he gay or Straight? "I don't think he's gay. He's not thuggish, that's all. Girl, my friend said his radar went off when he saw him. Oh." "How old is he?" "He looks young, but he's pretty mature I'm not sure". This is the type of conversation that has been taking place regarding me. I don't know why I'm so interesting to people. I go to work and I leave. I don't eat with people outside of my assistant for the most part. I don't talk about people unless they are doing something outrageous. I think me not addressing it makes it more of a topic. I didn't realize how wide spread it was until someone who doesn't even work with me told me about the conversation they have been privy too. I wasn't phase, but I was a little aggravated. I would think people would have more stuff to do and talk about outside of me. I guess I'm wrong.

Apparently, they were talking before I came to the build (my current job was a internal promotion in the company, but different building). I didn't care until someone who I managed talked to me about it. I was pissed off then. Why would executives gossip to someone that I'm going to be managing? She has ever so slightly tried to get me to talk about the "gay" rumor and I never bite. However, she has stop people from asking me about it. The nerve of these mouth*&^%&*^ what makes you think you can just step to me like that. Anyway, it's slowly starting to get on my nerves because I realize how wide spread the conversation about me are. Plus, this is outright tacky. This is nothing new, but that still doesn't eliminate how annoying it can be. I never address stuff like that. I use to like 3 years ago, but now I don't care enough to address it.

I'm going to be without internet for like 5 days (y'all know I'm going to die). Anyway, how are you guys dealing with your haters?

Life is funny

Playing~"In love with another"-Jasmine S.

Would not it be easy if your heart did exactly what you wanted it to do?

My friend was talking about another friend and myself about porn. "That would do nothing for me blah, blah". Well, like a month later guess who I bust watching it...lmbo

Why did that same friend go to the book store only to find someone masturbating in the back of the store. I was Omg God! Barnes and Nobles is not safe anymore...lol.

Why did he indirectly let the man know he caught him? The man could do nothing, but play innocent and laugh.

It feels so good to see someone who you use to mess with and your doing much better than you were when you all were together.

It funny how important people think they are

It's nothing like someone trying to hide that they are gay and trying to figure out if you are.

I heard Jennifer Hudson is going to be here this weekend. Is that true?

So my friend and I thought we would get into a little something this weekend. We didn't know exactly what we were going to do, but something outside of clubbing. My mom ruined that...lol. She was determined to come this weekend.

I don't know how my roommie and her are going to interact. I'm sure it will be find with some awkward moments here and there. She didn't come my birthday weekend, but she couldn't deal. She doesn't like extra stuff, but overall she likes him. My roommie is my good friend as well, so she has known him for years.

Keeping it real

Playing~just rain dropping on the ground outside of my window

Being authentic is tough. In a world that’s full of derivatives of someone else. As much we use the words “keep it real” we rarely do. It’s a challenge to be honest to the situations you face and the feelings you feel. Our egos and pride absolutely refuses to be vulnerable enough to say “I’m afraid”, “you really hurt when you did/said whatever”, “I have no ideal what I am doing” or “I struggle with ____”. Often times being honest with ourselves will disrupt a great deal of our current state of being. We are so focus on positive thinking and moving onward and upward we become disconnected from reality. We develop our own version of what happen and how we resolved the issues. I definitely believe positive thinking and moving on is great in its place. I definitely have the gift of goodbye. However, often times those characteristics that can be necessary to survive tough situations allow us to move on prematurely. We fail to learn, grow, and heal from all the snares of life. I rarely evolve when I’m coasting. Its times when I’m sad, can’t explain how I feel, or I’m down right confused when I discover my opportunities.

For example, I use to think people were talking about me negatively because they didn’t “understand me” or they were “hating”, but some of those people weren’t stun me. They just so happen to look up when I came in the room. Those were my thoughts and I was projecting those feeling onto them. I was the one who had some self-esteem issues and didn't understand some parts of me. I cloaked those issues with being proud of what I looked liked and who I was. I had to relive those times when people called me all types of names because of one reason or another, which brought on this pseudo confidence, because I absolutely refused to let those mfers know they could get me down, but the truth is they did. Their actions and my response followed me all the way to my sophomore year in college. Feeling and Saying it how you feel may come across as immature, silly, conceited, whatever, but it’s how you feel and that’s as real as it can get (well, at least for you).

Sometimes we lack faith, we fall, we’re anger, we’re depressed and we have to be true to those moments. We need to stop just walking away as if we were not affect, because issues always have away of resurfacing themselves again and again. However, we should not live in any of those places it’s unhealthy, but to deny those places or move on from them like they never exist is unhealthy too. We have to be careful that we don’t keep creating versions of ourselves that are untrue and impossible for us to live up to.

well, well, well

• The word spread about Juanita's beat down so fast. I've never seen people jump on the phone and e-mail so fast to tell people about it. They actually talked about her ministry. How is she a prophetess, but she didn't see that coming. What does this say about the saints?
• The gays and gender roles are quite interesting. One man calling the other man his husband. Some calling themselves ladies...it's a lot going on.
• Why do people think they need to bring their friends with them everywhere they go? AAHHmmm...hello I thought I was meeting YOU!
  
• People trying to hook up with my friend when he just buried his partner. Are you people serious?!
  
• Why do black people have a problem with going to see a therapist? Sometimes talking with Jesus or whomever you talk to isn't enough
• When will we learn it's rarely greener on the other side? It may look pretty, but you will be surprised how ugly pretty can get.
• Comparing ourselves amongst ourselves is so dangerous! It can make you feel arrogant, complacent, and/or inferior. Stick to your own standard and let God/universe give you direction.
• Right guard will have you smelling all wrong...let's stick to Degree.
• Do we really want people to take us as we are? I think people should enter our lives to help us grow and enhance us. If not, what are they there for?

It's been over a year!

Well, I'll be darn! I've been living in Atlanta for a whole year. This was my first time leaving my family and all things familiar. I wanted to be here and I made it happen. I'm proud of that fact. Since I've been here I think I've evolved. A lot of people noticed a difference in me and I noticed it as well. No matter how I try to deny it. I've always came across knowledgeable, mature, and practical when I spoke and hung out with people (despite this blog being frivolous from time to time). I think that's why most of my good friends are older than me. However, I must admit I am a little less experience in something than most people my age. I think this past year I chipped away at some of the inexperience. In many ways I'm still the same guy. The church boy part of me is still evident, but it's not as dominate as it once was. I'm still a little too cautious and calculated. I can't help it. Maybe it's an only child thing...hhhmmm.

I enjoy the city. This city has a lot of events all of the time. The job market kinda sucks! What's up with that? Maybe there is an over saturation of educated people here???? The city for the most part is governed well. The traffic is crazy. The people are nice and friendly generally speaking. Atlanta cost of living is pretty good. Overall I'm satisfied with Atlanta

Just thinking

Playing~”Family Guy”; “ Love, need and want you”-Patti

• Who is ready for Jill Scott’s return?
• A wise man brought up a good point today. He said women are taught how to maintain relationships, but men are only taught to obtain them. I paraphrased what he said, but that was the gist of it.
• My friends have really been giving me a lot of feedback. They talk about me so badly. They completely told me why I’m single. When I went to a concert they pointed out some guys who just stood their like they were real hot and you approach me attitude. I really don’t think that’s me though, because I was like ugh. I’m a little shy, but not arrogant.
• My roommate and I use each other from time to time (nothing remotely sexual is going on). We both need somebody. I don’t know when I gained this need, because it so not me. Ugh he is rubbing off on me! He finds it funny, because he knows this is not my style.
• I went out the other night and I was robbed. OMG…these people charged me $40 to go into their establishment. I have never heard of anything like this before in my life. I only paid because a GREAT friend was visiting from out of town and I was trying to get him out. I’m going to be pissed about that for a week.
• Everyone says I’m growing up, but I don’t know what I’m doing. Some things I’m experimenting with seem to be regressive. I don’t know. For example, going to that club…wtbleep. I don’t go to clubs, and then I paid $40 for 1hr and 20 mins. Plus, the place was weak. The music was alright, but it was too many men. I was like ugh I could have gone to a gay club for this. I cussed the other day too. I need to have a come to Jesus meeting (in the words of my girl Oprah). My friend back home laughs me out saying I like this sinful life.
• Amy Winehouse “tears dry on their on” rides does it not?
• Speaking of riding music Kelly Roland “work” is HOT!
• My bad luck continues I was pulled over by the cops and given a ticket for a tail-light. WHAT! I think if I show them I repaired it I will not have to pay anything. Does anyone know how that works?
• I’ve been very introspective lately. Wondering about life and all of its twist and turns. I fear being poor.
• I don’t know if I’m going to go out with this girl anymore. I feel like she is getting a free ride. I don’t like that feeling. We’re just friends
• What do you guys think of the Altima coupe?
• I have a strong desire to go back to school again. I just don’t know how to live the lifestyle I desire (nothing extravagant) and be a full time student.
• Did anyone go to that SOS concert?
• I swear my roommate/friend has given everyone my number back home. Y’all know I don’t talk to people like that.

Playing~”Right Back to you”-Eric Roberson

random nothingness

• Is not it funny how people try to crash at your place on the gay weekends (MLK, Labor day), but when you let them know you are moving labor weekend they magically find somewhere else to stay. B**&% help me move!
• I have been having the worst luck. I lost my cell phone and my bluetooth. Plus, my tire went flat. I swear it has something to do with me keeping $1.50 that wasn't mine..lol
• Watching me and my bbf/roommate change a tire while it was 100 degrees outside was quite the comic relief.
• What made it worst was my friend yelling out "I need a man, I can't do this type of mess". I was crying laughing. I was amused, shocked, and embarrassed all at the same time.
• Does anybody know where you can get your resume worked on? I really have to find a new J O B.
• Does anyone have that one person that makes you smile even though you know you will never date them again. * sigh* I don't know why she is so special to me.
  
• *edit* I received a call saying they have my phone. Well, I be darn! After two days of calling I brought a new phone with all the accessories aint this a b*&^%
  

Got darn Atlanta

I went out to a club for the first time last week. Well, it was a concert at a club. I thought I would avoid drama by doing so, because I've heard of the drama that takes place in the club. In spite of all of my good work. I still ran into drama. During the last performance of the night. This lady decided she wanted to be at the very front of the stage. She forces her way through the crowd and everyone is like what's her problem. Well, an associate of mine wasn't having it. They get into it I don't get involve, because it's not worth it. Then, I see the lady mouth "touch me again I'm going to beat your a**". Then, her short boyfriend is in my associates face. I'm like oh darn. I go to bring reason to the whole ordeal. Clearly, this hood chick doesn't want a resolution and her boyfriend is going to back her up regardless. As I'm trying to calm things down I quickly check things out, because I see it's about to go down regardless. One, he has a bottled turned upside down and a beer in the other. The associate of mine didn't even notice he was so busy arguing. I'm really trying to calm things down now, because he has a weapon. I finally got things under control, but this hood chick wouldn't let it go. I try to get the bouncer involve they tell me the police are outside. I just threw my hands up. I just told you these people have bottles and they are confronting my friend. I was so done. what puts the icing on the cake is his friend disappears. I don't know him that well, but I wasn't going to let these people jump him. All I want to say is Atlanta Club owners are something else and these scary a** friends suck.

IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!!

Playing~"Is she the reason"-Destiny's Child

I'm so sick of people playing victim. People place blame on everyone and everything, but themselves. Yes, things and people influence our decisions, but YOU MAKE THE DECISION. Stop freakin' complaining when you decided to do something and it didn't work out the way you wanted it to work out. Man the bleep up. Stop having these pity parties. Pull yourself up, encourage yourself, evaluation your life circumstances, and make different choices. We all have our moments, but darn. It's your life-run it!

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly

I'm always a fan of the underdog who has talent. Thus, I kinda support Kelly. The truth of the matter is she has more range than Beyonce, but some kinda way you rarely see it showcased, but I have a video that proves it (Beyonce is louder, but watch how they always harmonize around her and she never leaves the middle. Also, watch how Kelly takes the bottom and ends up on top with a crazy note at the end). I'm not quite sure why we don't see her sing like this live or on her personal albums. I didn't buy the album when it came out, because it was full price and I can't support foolishness. Who releases their album full price? Anyway, I have been persuaded by a great friend of mine to support it. I was sold when I checked out her AOL session, so I'm going to get the album. She needs to give us a strong ballad and really sing on it. She also needs to do more rolling, riffing, and scatting. It works people go for it and they think you really can sing. She is too plain when it comes to singing. I want her to really serve it up. She also needs stronger content in her songs. Go to Babyface Kelly. I'm loving the new confidence and "grown woman" she is giving us with those sexy legs. Hell, if Letoya Luckett could go platinum, Kelly should double that. Letoya barely can hold her notes live. Her background has to sing certain parts of her song and everything. I want to see her tonight, but I can't find anyone who is available and/or has the money.

One of those days

"I ain't never love a man"-Aretha Franklin

I had a chance to view some documents today. It's interesting to find out about your heritage. When people asked me about the spelling of my name or my facial feature I never had an explanation. I abbreviated my name altogether. People always wonder about my strong facial features (my cheek bones in particular) and I finally have something to tell them. For some reason people thought I was African or from the Caribbean, but after reading this I realize my great-great-grandmother was 100% Creek Indian. I'm not sure if that would have a strong influence on my appearance, but it gives me some explanation. I definitely caught that short gene she cursed me with (I'm 5'8). However, I look a lot like my dad, so I wonder what's his genetic make up? All of them are tall and dark skin. I missed the tall, but I did get the dark skin. I'm not close with them at all. I was once upon, but I outgrew my father's lies and now he dead. I became close with them for a short season after that, then we went back to our regular lives without each other.

It's one of those days when you contemplate your life and why you have that "something is missing" feeling. Two things stood out when it comes to missing. One being the job and the other is social/love life. I think I just need a job that actually means something. I need to do something that helps people or at the very least makes me feel like I went to college for something. Two the social aspect is something I directly affect, so there is nothing to talk about there just fix it.

sigh same ole same ole

Playing~"ring the alarm"

It's been a minute, but you have not missed much. I've been working like a dog. It's crazy! I haven't been anywhere since last week. I basically let my supervisor know today don't call me with simple sh*t. I'm doing what couldn't be done in years (2.5 to be exact) with less help. Try to replace me! He kinda shut up after that conversation.

My living situation is a like/hate thing. I think our two biggest challenges are money and lack of consideration. I must admit. I didn't know he was coming to me broke. I mean no money!!!!!!! I have moments of anger when it comes to that. I just can't take a broke man. For me to come home and see a man sitting here after working all day gives me that attitude of "you lazy mother******". Lack of consideration is just aggravating to me . I come home and I'm beat. I voice this and lay down that means you should leave me and the vicinity I'm in. He will keep using the computer, sing (loudly sometimes), or whatever else is going on that day. Sometimes I say "you have got to be joking" other times I just have an attitude like are you stupid or I can't even say what I need to say right now, because I'm going to be nasty to you, so I'm going to ignore you until I get my words right. One problem is going to work themselves out. One he has a job. Well, he just was hired, so he will start soon.

Random:
Who has your vote on Making the Band 4?