Playing "Is this the way love feels"-Chrisette Michele
I couldn't date anyone in the closet. I don't know if I'm too vain, but I refuse to be set aside when certain people are around. Granted, I'm in the closet myself, but I couldn't date someone who was. Double standard....YES IT IS! I was out with Plan B, a few of the regular attendees, and two of his frat brothers from out of town. His "friend" was included in the entourage. He gave him little to nothing. Hell, he gave me more than he gave him. He didn't smile at him or anything. He did come over a speak, but that's about it. I was pissed about it. I couldn't believe he treated him second rate just that quick. He never gives him a lot, but darn. I at least received some conversion and the occasional "smile for me", which made me a little uncomfortable, because your FREAKIN' "friend" is here. Now, I don't know how I would act if my brothers came into town, but I feel like if I'm in a relationship with someone I would be out by then. I've been trying to give Plan B some space, because I really think he should focus on his relationship or whatever it is. He thinks that's really ridiculous, but everyone agrees with me. He seems a little too close to me.
All that being said, this post is about coming out. Most people who I know aren't out. Some feel like it's an open secret ("life, everyone knows I like boys"). Others have told their families and some friends. However, I don't know anyone who is just out all the way around. One it's kinda understood. Some of them have live ins and all, which blows me. Plan B and I have had several discussions about coming out. He just can't come out. Honestly, he is one of the most out closeted people I know. He has a big ol' professional picture of him and his ex in his house. A solo picture of the ex in the living. I'm like are u mfers blind. HE'S A GAY! Of course, everyone thinks that's his best friend. I don't think I own a picture of my best friend. He felt like nobody knew he was a gay outside of the gay friends he had. I had to break it down to him. Anyone who really knows you, already knows your gay. They may not want to admit it or desire to talk about, but they know. Years ago, his mother made it quite clear she would disown him if he was. You guys already have read what my mother would do/say. If she asked me was I gay today. I would answer just like this "are you trying to see if I find men attractive?" "If so, yes" and I would let it play out from there. There is not much to tell, because I haven't "known"/dated/"talked" to a man, so there is not a lot to tell her, but I feel confident that I would tell her if she asked. Anyway, I have quite a bit to say on this topic, but I'll revisit it later.
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8 comments:
Cool... do you and come out when you're ready. There are no rules on coming out and there are no rules on living proudly, but not as flamboyantly. All said, as long as you're true to yourself and don't feel like a fraud you're good.
though i'm not all the way on out there (or even half way), i also refuse to do the closet thing with a relationship. shoot, it's hard enough to find someone to let into your life. relegating them to private status seems to be asking a bit much.
Coming out to my family was easy because I really didn't care about negative reactions. plus with the problems in this family a gay son/brother/cousin ranks pretty damn low.
The boyfriends family thinks I'm the best friend but I'm sure they know what the real deal is.
Well I didn't "come out" by choice. My immediate family found out (long story). To the rest of the world I like to be viewed as just Dayne- not my sexuality- it’s not their business. (My opinion)
I do not date men who are not comfortable with their sexuality. I'm not demanding they go to gay prides, or wear rainbow flags, but they must love themselves-sexuality included. I will never again date a man who views his sexuality as a hindrance on his way to being "delivered". If a man isn’t comfortable with himself he damn sure wont be comfortable with me.
i think it's real hard to be in a relationship - period. add onto that that the relationship is largely a secret. it at times becomes too difficult. i'm in one of those. and often feel bad when i'm not identified as "the boyfriend."
"my friend" is my official title, my goodness.
i'm trying to become used to it.
Reg
you have to do it at your time... but i am so thankful I have come past that milestone.
after i told my mother in a heated argument to shut her up we have never discussed it since but when I tell you it is like a breath of fresh air for me knowing that since she knows I could careless about anyone else knowing.
being able to live freely is such a relief.
Move at your own pace. One thing that really bothers me is the extra burden placed on gays to announce their sexuality. No one every expects a straight person to come to them and say...I'm straight. Why should gays have to announce anything. Its not anyone's business.
Most of my friends know and don't really care. My family knows, but not because I staged an announcement, but b/c after 23 years with no g/f, no mention of marriage..lets just say they know 2+2=4 if you know what I mean.
I mean, it took me years to get to where I am. My publishing this blog is a HUGE step toward being completely comfortable with myself.
Hey all you dearests, I agree about the not dating anyone whose in the closet but that means nothing cause I am a woman so... sorry. But, I do have a question for all of you...
My cousin, who I have trusted deeply all my life, is gay. At least I think so. My family would ostracize him ( did i spell that wrong?? Sorry.) and I don't want that but I do want to talk to him. One of my friends hacked my email and sent him some crap and another has called him several times with MY CELL PHONE and hung up. Anyways, now he's not talking to me and I can't ask him if he's gay and I need to know because he means the world to me. Also, I kinda have some feeling for him. ( he is only my cousin by legality, I am adopted.) What should I do and how do I talk to him??
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