Playing~"Two Weeks Notice"-Fantasia
My lack of dating has peaked a lot of my family and friends interest. When my mom and grandmother came to visit the topic was brought up in a rather interesting way. Everyone knows, I'm my mother success story. I"m her "I did something right." The only thing that is not bring things full circle for her is me and relationship. She is like your 23 and your chronically single. What's wrong? "life, your handsome and nice...there aint no girl at your job you like?"Basically, my mother was every so slightly saying "If your gay, just tell me" for the 2nd time. Only for my grandmother to say "Why do you keep talk about this gay stuff? If anything, the boy is half and half." I wanted to dying rolling. I was so amused and slightly nervous at my mother's and grandmother's conversation about my relationship status and sexuality. It was one of those "this is making me laugh, but I don't know if I'm laugh because I'm a little nervous or I'm amused" For shock value I wanted to say "mom, yes, I'm a homo and I've been sleeping with men for many years." The truth is, I am in a quasi state. I never been with a man, but do I find some men intriguing and attractive? Yes. I think it definitely has effected my dating life. Girls, boys, both? I wouldn't want to bring someone into my enigmatic state. However, anyone who knows me knows I like certainty, but finding a definitive piece to this puzzle is quite the task. There are too many factors involved: family, friends, sex, religion, self-acceptance, etc... exhales. I have too much of a need to control my life and emotions to test things out, so instead, I just stand still until I can put everything together. I would never want to be this person who is sneakin' and creepin' around. For goodness sake, I'm grown! People "outing" people and stuff is crazy to me. I wouldn't give someone the pleasure. I'll make moves when I'm comfortable (with whatever decision I choose). Until then, I'll keep walking my journey and discovering my truth
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Interesting post! You talk about how your mom questions you but it seems as though maybe you question yourself. Do you think that identifying as gay or maybe evn bi would be a dissappointment to you or your family? Its very similar to something i dealt with a little while back and it all came down to me recognizing who i was supposed to be living my life for. Not trying to push you either way but bruh do what makes you happy. Long as its not at the expense of someone else's feelings or health....play ball.
Life is way too damn short to hold yourself hostage. There are going to be enough people trying to keep you from your happiness. You don't need to help them. If you want to date girls...date girls. If you want to date guys...date guys. If you want to date both...date both but be honest about it with whomever you date. You are 23, you aren't about to marry anyone. Have fun. Get out there. Yes, we love our parents but at some point we have to stop living for them. Let me tell you what I know. You're gonna look up one day and life will have passed you by cuz you worried about what Mama and Big Mama say. If they aren't still paying your bills, putting food on you back and a roof over your head then you are free to do whatever with whomever you choose.
@Free I'm definitely questioning myself. Sure, they would be, but my rides for me, so she would be quietly disappointed if I was bi or gay, but she definitely realizes its my life and she wouldn't let anyone down me for it. However, It would take away from her dreams for me (those are basically her words).
@Hondo You are 100% right, we should live our lives freely on our terms. It is a fear of my that I will wake up one day and realize I have not lived, because I was so cautious
life, if u’re anything like me your family is your support system and probably the last thing u would want to do is burn bridges w/ them. on top of that i tend to be a “pleaser” i try to keep everybody happy which sometimes is impossible to do.
personally i’m on the fence about getting married and having a family and at 26 i’m starting to hear that clock tick … i’m starting to come to the conclusion life is simply too short (particularly my youth is too short) to do everything i’d like to do … so i guess all i’m trying to say is since i’m struggling w/ the same dilemma myself i personally cannot advice u one way or the other
PS: your grandmother is very blunt … but then i guess all grandmothers are … lol … this whole story sounds very familiar to me :)
I think the best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself and those you love. Now it sounds like you are still figuring it out and that is fine. If my grandmom would have said that- WOW @ granny for knowing what half and half is!
@T I maybe known as a slight people pleaser and they are a support system for me BIG TIME.
@Dayne my grandmother really did blow me with that statement.
take your time, no rush these men will still be out here if thats what you want and if its not for you, you may still find good friends. do things on your time, don't let family friends or prospective mates sway your decisions.
Before my mother died, she gave me the best advice ever. She told me "baby, until you have children, you have to live your life for you and you only. No one lives their life for you, so you don't live for them."
I say this to mean that you are the only one in your life who should matter when making decision about YOUR life. So you do you homie!
take your time, bruh. gay aint going nowhere! also, you'll be a better partner to your mate once you're comfortable with where you are and what you've decided.
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