I'm just venting

Playing~"Someday"-Ledisi

I've been in such a good space. Everything is on one accord, but yesterday my love life bubbled up. My lack of a love life didn't kill my mood, but it definitely put me in a reflective mood. I don't know why it's so hard for me to let someone love me. I'm so dismissive. Then, I look at all of the bullshit around me and I think I'm better off than the people who are dating/ in love. They have to go through so many different things (cheating, lying, compromising more than they desire, fighting, the uncertainties of the other person feelings towards them, etc). Hell, some of them are just tolerating the person and seeing how things play out. The person is available and they find them attractive. I guess that's what dating is all about, but you guys know I'm waiting for a magical feeling. I want to be intrigued by them. I don't want to just tolerate someone.

My friends who have been together on and off for almost 11 years broke up. Life circumstances and growth lead one person to make the decision. From the outside you wouldn't know they broke up. They plan on distancing themselves for each more once their business together is done. 11 years and we are done?! Both are devastated, but one is managing much better. He is embracing the change.

I asked one of my friends when was the last time he let someone love him? His answer was 17 years! OMG! He decided to be successful and focus on love later. His career came first. Dating was something he really didn't have time for. Granted, he is shy of 40 and he is pretty much retired. He doesn't have to report to anyone's job. He thinks I have potential to end up like him, so he pushes me to go out and be "adventurous" . "It doesn't get any easier when you're older." He also thinks I'm going to get married to a woman. This is not the first time I've heard this. A few people have told me that I will not last long in this lifestyle.

Another friend can pull just about anyone. He still ends up with nothing of substance (maybe a good nut and a week or two of dates). Then, the person disappears or something along those lines. I feel sorry for him. He shared a piece of himself with someone who could give a d*mn. I mean....sex is a big deal to me. I talk big, but nothing is going on until I feel like if you left the next day I wouldn't feel cheap or cheated.

I just don't know. Anyway, this was me venting whatever

Playing~"Best Friend"-Ledisi