Things remain the same

"til my baby comes home"-Fantasia

My friend told me something that is definitely ringing true right now. "Life, you can go where ever you want, but one thing will remain the same...you." Basically, he was trying to give me a reality check. If you don't change, your experience will not change. I doesn't matter if you move to Alaska or Atlanta. I was relying on Atlanta to get it out of me. For me to explore everything on my terms. Well, for the most part, my experience has been the same. I think I've lived so many years trying to maintain an image. The image that I subconsciously created is definitely apart of me, but not me in entirety.

I came here wanting to be much more social. I'll give myself a D on that. I've gone to one concert and I found a place I can go to regularly (all by myself..well, I took Mr. Atlanta and crew one time). My "friend" (were going to call him Mr. Atlanta) is helping me out there. However, I don't want Mr. Atlanta to become my social connection. I need my own circle of associates.

I came here to explore my sexuality. There is no grade to give here...I have to move at my own pace. I guess, that pace is .02 miles an hour. If someone checks me out I usually ignore them. Unless, I feel like being a little flirtatious, which is increasing these days. Mr. Atlanta has gotten further than anyone ever has. To give you an ideal on how bad that is...I just asked him if he gay/bi or whatever. Well, I did pick him up for lunch one day. The only reason he got this far is because a mutual friend kinda snuck me, but I was ready. I want to explore and I'm ready...I think. Me aligning that with who I want to be to everyone else and my spirituality is another post. I definitely have to post about the spiritual aspect real soon. It's weird! I debate it within myself all the time and I debate it with other people about their "deliverance", but yet I'm faulty at what I believe.

"pass me over"~Anthony Hamilton