Playing~"Gonna find my love"-Brandy
My friends and I are trying something different. We are taking a different approach to dating. We called it "no agenda". The concept is quite simple. Let your relationship progress naturally. We treat someone who is interested in us like we would treat a new associate. Ultimately, the ideal is for your partner to become your best-friend, right? Before we become lovers, lets become friends. Trying to do it in reverse is not working out to well.
This guy is interested in me and I'm sticking to my no agenda approach. I'm not sure if he is confused by it or just needs for things to move faster. I'm certain it's the latter. We had a conversation that went like this:
*we are in the middle of a conversation*
Him:Hold on
Me:Alright
Him: This boy keeps texting me. How do you want me to respond?
Me: {I know he is not pulling this BS} If you want to respond, respond. If you don't, then don't
Him:I don't like him
Me:{why are you telling me this} so don't respond
Him:Yeah, I haven't respond to him, but he keeps texting
Me:You have so many men. Go ahead with you bad self
Him:Nawl, I'm just trying to get one man.
Me:{sigh...he was doing so good until this BS}
Him: Hey, I have to hit you back.
Me:alright
I was so disappointed that he tried that juvenile mess. What type of new flanged sh*t is he on. I wasn't expecting something like that from a guy who is so smart. BIG made that same mistake. He was much less subtle, but that was part of the reason he is not around now. Sidenote: I think about him everyday. Anyway, I think everyone should take the "no agenda" approach. If you try it, let me know how it works out for you.
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6 comments:
i just wrote a post about this very same thing yesterday. i was telling a blogger about it as well... hmmm you sorta beat me to the punch on posting it, but its all good hommie... i might still post mine...
i believe it works... it led me to each relationship ive had thusfar...
My last relationship started out with "no agenda". We were genuine friends, and then things just evolved. That relationsip lasted 10 whole years!
. . . . you know what they say, all good things come to an end!
Hmmmm...I think thats what I've been trying for awhile...doesn't work quite well for me...one dude told me to "kick rocks" lol..maybe I'm just mean...hope it works for you..
I've always used the "no agenda" theory...it will land you a quality man at the right time...well, it did for me. :)
The "No Agenda" approach separates the one nighters to the ones really into you.
You just have to decide which side of the fence you want to live on and take the property that comes with it.
So if you get dumped because you didn't give it up then don't be mad, be glad that you weeded out a virus to your system.
I get the idea behind this concept, but I think it has lots of pitfalls, most notably: Is it really "no agenda" when it is all apart of a long-term agenda to find a good man?
Sure it will keep you from sleeping or getting too intimate with a guy only to have things not work out, but as your post shows, it certainly won't protect you from the regular dating drama. And imagine if guy you were chatting with, instead of asking you if he should respond, just told you, "I'm about to get up with this freak and will hit you back later." Sure you might appreciate the honesty, but best believe that if you liked him, you will still get those undesireable feelings that you're trying to avoid.
I understand the importance of not rushing into things, but I think it's also important not to send vague or confusing messages to someone you might be interested in, just because you want to stay true to your "No Agenda" pledge. I think when pursuing a relationship the early keys to success are 100% honesty and remembering to remain responsible for your own emotions, and not surrendering that power to every fling that comes along.
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