Big is great! He's such a grown a** man and I love it! He wants to be everything I want. He admires everything from my bushy eyebrows to my southern slang. He finds my symmetry so attractive. Who pays that much attention?
However, I don't feel that magical feeling your suppose to feel when you are talking to someone. Actually, I haven't felt it in years (sigh...she was special). Am I capable? The question is have I allowed myself to get excited over an individual? hhhmm...I doubt it. This man is captured by a great deal of who I am and he has his sh*t together. No current or prior suitors come close to what he offers. Every time I go out he gains more points. He genuinely likes me. I think he's cool, but I don't feel sparks flying. Idunno?! We are definitely in two different places. He is ready to "marry" and I'm just getting my feet wet in the lifestyle. This time last year I had never talked to a guy on a romantic level.
What are the options? Go like most to clubs, parties, etc hoping this person pops up with a magical potion that makes me feel all warm inside. Hell, I have in my grasp on what most people are looking for. It's not like I have people beating my door down for a date
Give me your thoughts? When was the last time someone made you feel excited and anxious? Am I looking for something that may not exist? I wonder if I'm blocking myself
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7 comments:
By your own admission you are "just getting your feet wet in the lifestyle." You need to learn how to feel comfortable as an openly gay man. You must fully embrace the belief that there is nothing shameful or sinful about a man loving another man. A relationship suggests your life will be more public. Can you handle that? If not, ask yourself why not?
I think new relationships should give you a tingle, and so it's interesting that you don't feel that. That doesn't necessarily seem to be a bad thing since you recognize the many qualities this guy has and his potential to be good for you.
The best I can say is trust your feelings. Despite all this guy's great attributes, your heart seems to be holding back for whatever reason. Don't feel pressure to match his emotion/commitment if that's not where your heart is. Continue to enjoy his company, continue to be honest and respectful, and your heart will let you know if this is someone you want to pursue something with, or if this is someone who was put in your life to show you what a stable and successful adult gay man looks like.
BTW, i LOVE your radio playlist! :)
Enjoying reading your blog. Very well written. I will be watching.
I don't think there really is a magical feeling. From my past experiences some of the ones I felt all giggly, excited, and anxious about, turned out to be some of the biggest disappointments. The ones that I felt cool, calm, collected, and comfortable around, turned out to be the winners.
If you aren't feeling him, then you simply aren't feeling him. It doesn't matter if he has this or that. The connection/chemisty still needs to be there for both parties in order for it to work. If you can't see yourself taking the next step with him, don't force it.
I feel excited and anxious everyday with the person I am with...the thing is that he didn't just come along, he came when the time was right. I know this sounds like a cliche but I assure u that it is not.
I have to agree with Cash S....That magic feeling is a myth. In the first 6 months you are meeting "his representative" anyway. It takes time to get to know a person, just keep busy going your thing, date other people and in six months if you still have the same feelings of indifference, move on....And by then you will surely know whether his is the one for you or not.
I'm feeling excited about someone right now ;)... and I think u should open up a lil' and give it a chance... obviously u enjoy him. ;)
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