Sunday, August 17, 2008
Commitment????
After being all excited and feeling like I spoke him into my life I'm faced with reality. Yeah, it's been less than two weeks and the infatuation is over. It's such ashame, is it not? I'm wondering if I'm committing self-sabotage. Am I purposely finding flaws to make him less significant? Probably. Does his pace scare me? DEFINITELY! He wants to meet my mother. Are you kidding? I vaguely remember how he looks (he's been out of town on business). I remember not being blown away (he was alright). He had to be decent if I gave him my number, right? Do I see a power struggle coming my way? Most definitely! Whenever I feel like I'm losing my independence I will push back real hard. I don't need a dad. He is ready for a life long commitment I can tell by our conversation. I thought I was ready for something real, but am I really? I DON'T KNOW! I'm full of crap! All this talk about finding something real. I have great potential in front of me and now I'm getting scared. I need my a** kicked. He's too old for me, I think. See there goes another excuse...sigh. How do I go from wanting this experience and this man to questioning everything. Am I afraid of love or the potential of this situation? He's coming with his stuff together that's for sure. Whatever...I'm going to make a conscious effort not to kill this experience. Even though, I'm already poking holes in the foundation.
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7 comments:
just means that he is not 4 u...time will tell though
Could it be that you are truly afraid of the unknown? Meaning, you don't know if it's going to last or work out so in turn you are setting yourself up for the let down?
I know there have been times in my life where I refused to get excited about certain things in fear they won't work out.
Don't look for signs that aren't there. Keep your pace, and continue to feel him out.
Ok, take a breathe baby boy. How old is he? And 2 weeks is entirely too early for him to be meeting the parents. If I were you I'd shut that down right away. Tell him the marathon is in Beijing!! LMAO!!
~Damnit!
Everyone that knows me knows that I have an addiction to Anita Baker and her music. However, when I'm dating someone new, there is one song that I always think about and listen to. Her song "Body and Soul". There's a part in the song that says.."and I've got to know body and soul that you've got no doubts inside and out." When I can't truly say that I am free from doubts, then my heart isn't fully in it. Oh and I've had those "without a doubt" situations..even if they didn't last. So I say to you from my personal experiences, if a doubt is ANYWHERE in it, that warrants the question of "Is my heart really in this thing?". Just because someone is offering all that you want doesn't mean that "they" are all that you want. Sometimes it's the right string but the wrong yo-yo.
Just give it some time buddy! Ur just a little afraid. Plus if u feel like its something you don't wanna do yet, just take it slowly. And if its not for u, then keep it moving.
Timing is everything my brotha, everything
2 weeks is entirely, imo, too early for a lot of things. i think a nice good and long talk where you both lay on the table whats going on might be necessary. but that's my advice. i don't know...you got to do what works for you though. but don't run because you're scared, do walk away though if it honestly just doesn't feel right.
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