Monday, December 25, 2006

This place I'm in

Playing~"Perfect"-Simple Plan

I'm in that weird place of being too large for the place I'm in, too mature to go back to my past, and what's ahead is an enigma. My past is something that made me into the wonderful person I am. 6 years ago I was this young man solely focused on God. Very discipline and hungry to grow spiritually. Sometimes putting unnecessary restraints on myself, because I thought sacrifice was the way to grow spiritual. 4 years ago, I was a sophomore in college and I was questioning everything. My spiritual life wasn't my sole focus anymore (it was still a focus of mine). My personal growth and acceptance became my main focus. 2 years ago, my spiritual life was out of Wack, but still guided most of my decisions. My social life was hard for me to keep up with. Now, after two years of strugglin' to regain my focus and motivation I'm here. Trying to figure out where I fit in at. How do I balance my conservative religious beliefs with the my desire to explore life on my terms? How do I stay relevant with very close friends when our conversations are so different? How do I explore a relationship when depending on the day I want a different sex? You know a new year always brings about heavy thinking.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Pursuit of Happyness

I have been feeling so good lately. You know the's when your mind, body, and soul are at peace with each other. I've had this feeling for about a week. I've only had one disturbance. My "outing" on Friday night. I knew things were going too good. We had been trying to figure out a date when we could hang out for awhile. Finally, I arranged something and everything was set. Of course, the "outing" I planned wouldn't happen. Her car breaks down! I promise almost every date I have tried to have since 9th grade falls through (me and the woman folk..jeez). What is it about me and dates? I was determine to see "pursuit of Happyness", so I went alone. Yep, I went to the movies alone. I guess there is a first time for everything. It was too late to call someone and I only know a handful of people in Atlanta, so I concluded, I would go on my own. It's a good thing I went on my own. It took me 2 hours and several trips to different movie theatres to see it. The movie wasn't all that entertaining, but it was a powerful story. There were moments that I thought... "hey, I've had that exact thought" or "My father and I had moments like that".

One thing that was enforced to me was... you have to make your life happen. DREAM BIG AND BE TENACIOUS!

Track~"Be happy"-Mary (This is definitely one of my top 3 favorites from her)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I feel good all over

Reasons why:

  • I got a hair cut! I'm hurt'em
  • Got off early today
  • I feel renewed!
  • I'm getting my new bed.
  • I sent off my tithe.
  • I drop some unnecessary mess!
  • I feel spiritually intune.
  • I'm looking so FINE!
  • I beat this cold that was trying to come on me.
  • I have some money in the bank.
  • Found an event to go to tomorrow (finally)!
  • I have tomorrow off!
  • Did I mention.....I have a hair cut and I'm looking H O T
In other news:
Someone has created a little toy for your IPOD. You can now attach a vibrator to your IPOD
Mary J., Fantasia, and Young Jezzy albums come out today!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Gotta have faith

In the atomosphere "I'm done"-Tweet

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure"

I was expose to this poem in high school, but I was re-exposed during my process. Then, it was real to me. This poem calls us out. We allow fear to paralyze us and keep us from completing task we are well able to conquer. We allow the what ifs of to take complete control. What will people think? What if it doesn't work? F E A R is False Evidence Appearing Real and I have to stop buying into the illusion. I am a logical and strategic person, so if either is shakey...I'm out.

I remember singing in this group. The note wasn't very high, but it was a note I never had to hit before, so I didn't put much effort into singing it. I was off key and everything and I preferred to stay right there, because I was afraid to try and possibly sound a mess. The director stepped in my face and said you can hit this note. I debated with him about me hitting it. "I don't want to sound stupid." His rebutle "you already sound stupid". I was kinda shocked, but I just stop singing. In that moment, I allowed fear to cripple me. I have to excercise some faith. I need to take a risk from time to time. If I don't, I will stay at this job, my social circle will be non-existent ( I recently moved), and my personal growth will suffer.

Faith to reach the unreachable
Faith to fight the unbeatable
Faith to remove the unmovable
Faith that stands the invincible
Faith that can conquer anything

Faith that sees the invincible
Faith that expects the incredible
Faith that can conquer anything

Friday, December 01, 2006

Do something

It's world AIDS day. Get tested! Oh, bring a friend with you