let's talk about sex

Playing~"Kissing You"-Faith

I was talking to a friend like 3 weeks ago. He felt like it's better for him to be single, because of some of his sexual desires. They like some different stuff sexual and they don't think most people will accept it or be into. Later that day I thought is sex that important? It's so important that someone would choose to be single and enjoy themselves sexually?! How important is sex to you guys? I've been talking to friends for the past weeks about it. One friend said "50 percent" and another said 25%. One friend said "I don't have to like you to have sex with you." I've heard of people staying in some unfavorable situation, because the sex was good. Idunno...what's your thoughts?

My Weekend

Playing~"Catching feelings"-Faith Evans

I decided that I would be OUT this weekend. My haircut had me feeling HOT! I was ready to take the city by storm. This is how the weekend went down:

Friday

• After work I came home and took a nap. I woke up in a completely different mood. I really just wanted to go to a mellow spot laugh and flirt. I connected with a few people, but none of us were on the same page. Plus, there was no place that fit where I was trying to go. I ended up staying home and reading a book. Papi was extremely frustrated. He wanted to party.
  

Saturday

• I was determined to go out this night. I took a nap after work. I went to Prince's (a recently gained associate) house to get him. We meet his friend's at the bowling alley. I was introduce to the crew (Leo, Diva, and Humble).
  
• Leo is great. He's getting us enrolled in a stripper class. Oh, sorry...Pole dancing classes. I thought he was absolutely crazy when he brought this up, but I think I'm going to do it. I'll make a video for blogland...lol.
  
• This meeting was great! We really enjoyed ourselves and they were definitely my type of people.
• I was still determined to get loose. Slick was unsure if he would go, but he didn't have a choice. I was going to get it in and he was going to support.
  
• We made the worse decision. We went to Traxx. We went there because it was late and they would still be open for more than an hour after our arrival. Traxx is a mess. There is no diversity. Most of the kids are teenagers or very underdeveloped young adults. It's ghetto and the males and females party together. To say I was like fr**k they got me for $15.
  
• I ended up dancing with the ladies. Go figure! I go to a gay club and end up dancing with a women and not one man, NOT ONE! WTF?! Hey, they came for me.
  

Sunday

• I skipped church. Shame on me!
• Slick and I went to the Jazz festival. I was so disappointed that it wasn't at Piedmont Park. Ph.D joined us and we decided to go to Piedmont.
• This was my first time going to Piedmont on Sunday. It was interesting to say the least. I promise someone could get a great dissertation from all of the social and gender things that are going on. The cattiness is just too much. What is all the self-hate about?
• I run into Papi who really wants to party. Papi, Ph.D, Thickness (another recently gained associate) gave me the extra push I needed to go out. I really had some paperwork I needed to work on, but hey, this is suppose to be my BIG weekend.

Sunday Night

• We (Slick, Thickness, Papi, and myself) go to D'jangos. We came with a mission....party, socialize, and be a little bad. We did just that. Papi had the kids going crazy. This brother danced his butt off. I thought I could dance, but I had to fall back when he really went for it.
  
• 3 different dudes at different times were caught up. They just sat there in amazement as his little behind shaked, wiggled, dropped, and glided across the floor. He's scandalous...lol. I love it! He was giving them that Blatino flavor..lol.
  
• I have to talk about social skills in my next post. I have to!
  

Life

Playing~"run and hide"-algebra

I didn't get the job. I usually prepare myself in advance for the worst and hope for the best. I refuse to get bad news and fall to pieces. Well, there were two interviews one went well, but the other went not so well. Anyway, I plan on taking some platforming classes, because I've always had that problem with impromptu speaking. Either I nail it or my mind gets jumbled and I ramble. I'm too logic to get all emotional about the promotion. Don't get me wrong, I still feel the sting of getting rejected, but it's life. You can't win every battle. Now, I'm stuck in my current job, which leaves me feeling a little disappointed.

I go through moments of not feeling much of anything sexually. I'm there now. This is the wrong freakin' time to have this moment. It's memorial day weekend! The kids are going to be everywhere. I'm suppose to be hype about it. Instead, I feel blah about boys and girls. Well, girls haven't been on the radar in about a year. I've never been boy crazy, but usually I can get a little excited, but I feel nothing. I'm not sure why this happens, but it happens every now and then. I thought I would want to go out, but I don't. This started a few days ago. I hope I get in the mood Friday or so. I'm about to get my haircut maybe that'll make me feel sexy...lol. Hopefully, that will spark something.

Mature Response

Playing~"echo"-Usher
In the past few weeks, I have been faced with a few situations that caused me to make some mature decisions. Everyday we are presented with many dilemmas and depending on our responses to those dilemmas the outcome vary from favorable or less favorable.

Let's start with Slick and I situation. I wasn't really mad when I heard him talking about how he would mess with Plan B and how they've been flirting. As I mention before I was at a lost for words and could do nothing, but laugh. Everybody knows Plan B and I didn't end on the best of terms. However, I didn't have an issue with them hanging out whatever, but I do have an issue with you trying to hook up. You're my ace. Why would u want to go behind me? My less than mature self thought it was more than acceptable to say the following "Are you that fucking lame that you would follow behind me?" "A blind man can see he's using u to get at me." "He didn't associate with you much until I thought it was best that I left him alone." However, I've decided to leave all of that out. I'm just going to ask "what made you think it was okay for you to flirt and stay the night at Plan B house and then come and tell me about?"

Happiness is another thing that I have chosen. I have been overflowing with joy. Yeah, I could be funky about a lot of things, but I have chosen to be happy. I was about to have one of those "aahh I hate going to work, blah, blah days". I immediately caught myself and spent a little time getting myself together and making the right decision to be happy. Acting all indifferent doesn't help the situation. What are you choosing these days?

Just a moment

I ran into PH.D recently. We had some interesting and stimulating conversations. He thinks I'm complex. Humph, I thought I was plain. He calls me a darken glass wall. I respond with, "are you saying I give the perception of transparency, but nobody sees the whole picture." His response, "You knew that's what I meant, don't try to play me." I giggled. The wall comes into play because I'm so guard and strong. "You're so strong it makes you weak. When was the last time you cried because of some emotion? I tried not to give the impression that I thinking too hard. Huh, it's been awhile" I indulged the conversation a little more, but I cut it off after awhile. I didn't want to be his case study. He gave me a lot to think about. I gave him a lot to think about too. I analyzed him as well. Our Dr couldn't say much then..it was fun. For some reason I need to hear Erykah Badu's "ME"

quick post

Playing~"Only for you"-Eric R.

• I'm still waiting to hear the verdict from my interview. I'm pretty much at peace with it. I'm ready to accept whatever God allows...I'm better off !
• My friends think I'm going to marry a woman. I was a little insulted because they felt like I wasn't a solidified homo, but I saw their points. I'm not sure if I agree, but whatever
• I really feel like I'm going to have a very emotional moment with the Lord really soon. I'm on the verge of just having a God purifying cry while praying. I'm filled with the random day to day challenges.
• I went to Piedmont Park the other day and this guy yells out repeatedly in the middle of the day. Hey, brown (the color shirt I had on) is that pussy hot? I played it off, which of course causes him say it repeatedly. I was like it's 4pm, it's too early for this. Ignoring him caused him to call me a ho. I was like "hey, I've missed some good sex trying to avoid being label that type of name."
• Every time I rack up some money. Something shows up whether it's my car, a ticket, a trip, whatever..DARN!
  

I just want to be....

Have you ever felt the need to let out a good cry, but u didn't have a specific reason to cry?

I don't want to wear my superman cape tonight. I don't want to think about: getting people raises, meeting this unfair goal, hearing complaints, analyzing my interview last week, why I'm hard on myself, when am I going to find something real, how I completely missed the boat on preparing myself for graduate school, and how I'm going to manifest all the desires I have.

sigh

Quick Update

Playing~"Glory to the highest"-City of Refuge (Bishop Noel Jones)

I woke up early this morning and I realize I haven't dropped you guys a note in a minute. I have a lot of things going on, but I'm going to run through them real quick.

• I'm up for a promotion! I know, God is good. This will be my 3rd promotion in less than 2 years. I killed one interview. The second interview wasn't as strong. I just want the will of the Lord done (I got real save on y'all, but it's the truth..lol.). Somehow I'm indifferent and excited at the same time. I'm a little insecure about this possible position. My indifference is a combination of my insecurity and the preservation of my self-esteem.
  
• One of my best friends lost his job. Can you imagine losing 75-80k a year? He's a peace for the most part. He's turn down one job and waiting on his dream job response. Say a prayer
  
• I realized I have completely missed the boat on graduate school. I need to do so many things before enrolling. sigh...okay, gaining this job maybe more important than I thought.
• One of my friends caught feelings for someone who is notoriously unfaithful. It's to the point that the guy confesses every time he f*cks around. He thinks that makes the world of difference. "I'm telling you, you have to respect that." I no longer advise my friend on this relationship. I realize he will make excuses for the person anyway. I ignore him when he brings it up. He needs to whip his a**...straight up.
• You've been update in 7 mins. Let me get ready for work...peace
  

This boy

Playing~"can we talk"-Tevin Campbell

This boy is different.
He's unlike other dudes that he knows
This boy is different
He's like Oil and Water in the same glass
This boy is different
His duality keeps you on your toes
This boy is different
Not the easiest guy to get to know
This boy is different
He's searching for something real
This boy is different
His sincerity shines through
This boy is different
This boy is me

*Inspired by PJ Morton cd (I just wrote whatever came to mind after the song went off. I hope you enjoy my freestyle...lol )
Playing~"Soon as I get home-Faith Evans

Advice

A wise man once said to me "your need is legitimate, but be very careful on how you fill it". His words came to me today and I thought I would share it.