Monday, March 31, 2008


Playing in the background~"you better tell her"-Teedra M.

As I was out this weekend, I realized I need to gain some friends. This is not a new revelation, but I definitely felt it this weekend. I went to a few events this weekend and I went to all of them alone. This doesn't typically get a response out of me, because I'll go solo in a minute and talk to whomever is there, but this time I was a little aggravated. Since birth I've been popular whether I liked it or not. As I grew older, I purposely kept my circle small(3-9). Currently, I have a very small team who stay in Atlanta, Ga (Slick, Shortymack, Ph.d). I rarely speak to Plan B and his whole crew (you guys know what's up with that).

Slick is one of my best friends who I moved up here.
Pro: history (nothing can compete with memories/time), trustworthy, and faithful
Con: Over the top antics (I like actin' up in it's place, but you can't give me too much) and lack of funds.

Shortymack is new, but has great potential.
Pro: nice, cute (superficial?...whatever), serious relationship, and fun
Con: can be over the top, lack of history, serious relationship (on lock sometime) and potentially combative

Ph.d he just gets me
Pro: Nice, emotional & mental connected( We talk about a lot of social issues, my random theories,research, etc), and smart
Con: little time (he's finishing up his Ph.D.) and older (he loves my mind, but he doesn't go out much...maybe the time is more of a factor)

I have a few other people I talk to randomly. I just need people who are more of my speed. I consider myself a middle of the ground type of guy. It's definitely hard to find people who you are compatible with, can trust, and are fun. I appreciate my friends so much more now. However, one thing I will not do is gain a bunch of friends I can't trust. That's counterproductive!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Random (Plan B, Slick, new dude?, etc)

Playing in the background~Jill Scott Live In Paris DVD "Crown Royal"
  • The tug of war is over. What took me so long to let Plan B go (it was a quasi relationship/friendship)? We owe each other nothing, but we definitely let the war go on way too long. I always knew he wasn't what I wanted, but he was available. Unfortunately, I couldn't hide my indifference very well, which pissed that diva off...sorry.
  • I finally retrieved my key from Slick. I love Slick. We are two different breeds, but he is faithful. It's hard to find that in friends these days. I didn't like the ideal of him having a key in the first place. Why are you at my house when I'm not there? Now if things are moved or eaten, I did it. Also, it was time for him to face his reality. He couldn't hide out here any longer. I felt some of his wrath with some sharp undertones, but I can take that. I think there is a little grudge there, but he knows it not warranted, so he says nothing. I'm certain he thought it was symbolic of our friendship.
  • I'm feeling good and spiritual today. I briefly communed with God. There is such purity there...inhale. I have a few moments to reflect.
  • I'm going to get a chance to see Teedra Moses this weekend and a few local artist, which will end my vacation perfectly. I still want to go out and shake my thang on the dance Wow...I just finish talking about my spiritual I'm a mess!
  • The school and work thing is still a very pressing issue on my mental! I'm definitely going to go back sometime in 2009, which means I need to get my finances together now!
  • I went to a dinner/birthday party a few weeks ago and I met this lawyer. He definitely didn't look like one. Slick declares he's interested, but I'm not too sure. He kinda inspired this post. I saw some pictures of him. He cleans up VERY well. I contacted him via e-mail off us his business card. We'll see! Oh Lawd...did I really do that?!
  • I realize I'm afraid of choosing the wrong person and suffering the consequences. Thus, I've been talking about wanting love, but fear held my heart. I'm working on releasing the fear. I'm getting too old and my emotions are yearning.
  • I was going to have THE talk with my mother this weekend. I end up falling asleep....sigh. I'm trying to find a time when her and I will be together alone for a nice chunk of time. I just have a strong need to truthfully speak with her about my sexuality.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Life aint no fairy tale

Playing~"Love"-Kelly R.

I don't know exactly when the fantasy starts, but some how it becomes an expecation. We fantasize about how we will meet our potential partner, how they will look, and how they would behave. We wait to feel that cosmic energy and when it's not there we think automatically he or she isn't it. As we grow older, we realize our dream partner is just that a dream. The person may not come in the package we imagine. When was the fantasy over for you or are you still believing your well packaged partner will manifest him or herself?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I usually don't do this, but this is funny

I try not support ignorant images of black people, but someone of us seek out embarrassment. My fellow bloggers have enough pride and courage to confront your man without brining Cheaters along, because you will end up looking like this gentlemen and his boyfriend. This is crazy, but stuff like this happens for real. Sidenote: who ever posted this needs a their behind whipped for that title. I'm disturbed

Sunday, March 16, 2008

honesty of course

I find a lot of irony in my blogger name (truthfully speaking). Honesty is something we all demand from everyone we interact with, but we forget how difficult it is to speak honestly sometimes. We all lie at some point whether it's through omission or commission. It could be as simple as not telling your friend the truth about their outfit or as big as not telling your partner that you went out with an ex. Honesty requires a great deal of vulnerability and humility. My desire to appear self-reliant hinders me. My pride gets in the way. We all know most lies steam from some insecurity. My question is, how are you keeping yourself honest? Just a quick post that ran across my mind.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tug of war

Playing"I think I love you"-Algebra

You have two men (guy x and guy z). X is use to guys being interested in him and eager to sleep with him. Z is indifferent regarding X. At one point, Z was kinda feeling X, but those days are long gone. However, they have develop a pretty good friendship. Z sees X as more of a friend than a potential partner. X still thinks Z is a possible partner, but refuses to express his feeling when Z tries to get him too. Both individuals are stubborn and often there is a power struggle. X strategy is to become rude. Z strategy is to show his indifference. Z is kinda over the whole situation. Especially, after receiving a text from X asking for some 4 play. When Z declines (as expected) S gets disrespectful. Let it go or explain how the behavior has to stop?

Sunday, March 09, 2008


Have you ever felt like something is missing, but you can't put your finger on what it is? You wish something was wrong so you could fix it, but when you complete a self-evaluation things are well generally speaking. I'm definitely in that place! I really don't have anything to complain about. However, I feel like I have such a bland existence. My passion is lacking. I'm concern that I'm not bothered by my current state. I'm searching for something higher. I'm thirsty Socially, intellectually, spiritually,emotionally. I'm not sure where it is or where I can find it, but there is this longing. It's a feeling that's hard to put into words, but I've wrestle with it for a good portion of my life. Always aware of how blessed I was in whatever state I was in, but always feeling like there was something greater. I don't want my words to translate into a lack of contentment,because typically I can find that. sigh...I find it hard to explain

Playing "Run and Hide"-Algebra

Monday, March 03, 2008

Moment of truth

Playing~"Take Everything In"-Angie Stone

Your co-work approaches you at work. "I want to hook you up with one of my friends." [you give the look of oh boy...this heffa is really just being nosey] "Well, let me ask you this first" "aahhmm..." [not looking you in the face] "do you date women?" What's your response?